wow, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me?
arctcknight just left my house, i sat down at my computer and had to fight back tears...
went on to myspace cause it said i had some new comments, saw someone's new picture, so i had to click on it...started crying full out... what the fuck is wrong with me? why do i let people have this effect on me?
i think all i've been doing lately is just distracting myself, trying convince myself that i'm happy...but i'm fucking miserable. and i wish i could put my finger on why.
i thought i was out of this funk...but i guess i'm having a relaps or something.
the thing i want most in the world right now is just to be held. it's been so long since i've been in loving arms. it makes me miss all the people who once made me feel loved, but always hurt me in the end.
every person who has ever told me that they loved me, has always hurt me in the end...
now i'm afraid that i'll never be able to believe a man again when he tells me he loves me (granted that i'll ever hear that again).
i'm sorry i'm having a huge pity party, but i really need to get some of this off my chest. i feel like a whiney, fucking pathetic little girl...
ok ok ok. end pathetic rant. i'm going to talk about normal stuff now....
the other night i was watching an old ass rerun of the X Files, it was an episode from season two, called "3" and it was about blood sport and vampires... so mulder is in this goth club talking to this woman and the music playing in the background is X's The Unheard Music!!!! i almost started screaming i was so excited! you could hear it all loud and clear too! you could make out the lyrics, and you could distinctly make out John and Exene's voices! god, it was great! i know it's a silly thing to get all worked up about, but X is this little known last 70's, early 80's California punk band that no one's heard of. so to hear a song of theirs on my very favorite show is something huge to me!
hung out w/ arctcknight last night and today. we drank last night, and watched Signs...it's not as scary the second time around. today we just got some taco bell w/ Kristin. now i'm all bored and loney and all that stupid shit.
see what i mean, i need distraction. as long as i have someone here to keep my mind off all this bullshit i'm fine.
bleh.
oh yeah, saw co-worker Lee at taco bell today. teased him about Raisa flashing him at work, he denied it (badly i might add). i told her she should just bed him, she's looking around desperatly for a rebound fuck. i think he'd be a good choice cause he's a nice guy... if they could just fool around and be ok with that, he'd be the perfect choice...he wouldn't hurt her or fuck with her head...and even if he did, he knows me and how protective i am of Raisa, and that i would kill him if he hurt her... so yeah, plus i'd want her to give me all the details, cause i'm dying to know what he's like in bed. and since he's such a tiny boy and i think i'd smoosh him, i dont think there's a chance of me finding out for myself. hehe...
yeah, all the girls love Lee, because he's funny and because he's a big nerd that we all want to currupt (actually i dont think he needs much more currupting, but still!)
wow, that sure was a whole lot of babbling bullshit!
i dont want to go to work today... i'm all sad and shit.
i want some lovin'.
Three Creepy Rabbits by Bethany Marchman
Boob ring from Bust.com's Boobtique
Patches Memorial by Kristen Farrell
**********************edit*************************
ok, been home for a while, first chance to get on the computer... work sucked ass, of course.
they are going to be doing inventory soon and they fucked up all my shelves to make it easier on the people counting...argh! i didn't do anything all damn day. i refused to touch the towels all night... i didn't want to take part in the distruction of all my perfectly neat shelves.
it hailed here right before i went to work. i took some pictures, maybe i'll upload them tomorrow.
i also tried shooting a set the other night, but it didn't really work and i'm going to try the idea again another time cause it's just too good to waste... i was trying to use my brother's desk lamp to light my room a little better, but it just didn't work...
when i got home from work i took a shower, masturbated, and then played Tekken 4 and listened to Juliana Hatfield for an hour or so... i'm really really loving Hey Babe right now... i've had it for a while (a burned copy anyway), and i'm just now really really really getting into it.
i want to buy cds so badly. i wish i wasn't so broke.
while i'm editing i might as well thank everyone for the sweet comments they've left today...it makes me feel all popular and stuff.
arctcknight just left my house, i sat down at my computer and had to fight back tears...
went on to myspace cause it said i had some new comments, saw someone's new picture, so i had to click on it...started crying full out... what the fuck is wrong with me? why do i let people have this effect on me?
i think all i've been doing lately is just distracting myself, trying convince myself that i'm happy...but i'm fucking miserable. and i wish i could put my finger on why.
i thought i was out of this funk...but i guess i'm having a relaps or something.
the thing i want most in the world right now is just to be held. it's been so long since i've been in loving arms. it makes me miss all the people who once made me feel loved, but always hurt me in the end.
every person who has ever told me that they loved me, has always hurt me in the end...
now i'm afraid that i'll never be able to believe a man again when he tells me he loves me (granted that i'll ever hear that again).
i'm sorry i'm having a huge pity party, but i really need to get some of this off my chest. i feel like a whiney, fucking pathetic little girl...
ok ok ok. end pathetic rant. i'm going to talk about normal stuff now....
the other night i was watching an old ass rerun of the X Files, it was an episode from season two, called "3" and it was about blood sport and vampires... so mulder is in this goth club talking to this woman and the music playing in the background is X's The Unheard Music!!!! i almost started screaming i was so excited! you could hear it all loud and clear too! you could make out the lyrics, and you could distinctly make out John and Exene's voices! god, it was great! i know it's a silly thing to get all worked up about, but X is this little known last 70's, early 80's California punk band that no one's heard of. so to hear a song of theirs on my very favorite show is something huge to me!
hung out w/ arctcknight last night and today. we drank last night, and watched Signs...it's not as scary the second time around. today we just got some taco bell w/ Kristin. now i'm all bored and loney and all that stupid shit.
see what i mean, i need distraction. as long as i have someone here to keep my mind off all this bullshit i'm fine.
bleh.
oh yeah, saw co-worker Lee at taco bell today. teased him about Raisa flashing him at work, he denied it (badly i might add). i told her she should just bed him, she's looking around desperatly for a rebound fuck. i think he'd be a good choice cause he's a nice guy... if they could just fool around and be ok with that, he'd be the perfect choice...he wouldn't hurt her or fuck with her head...and even if he did, he knows me and how protective i am of Raisa, and that i would kill him if he hurt her... so yeah, plus i'd want her to give me all the details, cause i'm dying to know what he's like in bed. and since he's such a tiny boy and i think i'd smoosh him, i dont think there's a chance of me finding out for myself. hehe...
yeah, all the girls love Lee, because he's funny and because he's a big nerd that we all want to currupt (actually i dont think he needs much more currupting, but still!)
wow, that sure was a whole lot of babbling bullshit!
i dont want to go to work today... i'm all sad and shit.
i want some lovin'.
Three Creepy Rabbits by Bethany Marchman
Boob ring from Bust.com's Boobtique
Patches Memorial by Kristen Farrell
**********************edit*************************
ok, been home for a while, first chance to get on the computer... work sucked ass, of course.
they are going to be doing inventory soon and they fucked up all my shelves to make it easier on the people counting...argh! i didn't do anything all damn day. i refused to touch the towels all night... i didn't want to take part in the distruction of all my perfectly neat shelves.
it hailed here right before i went to work. i took some pictures, maybe i'll upload them tomorrow.
i also tried shooting a set the other night, but it didn't really work and i'm going to try the idea again another time cause it's just too good to waste... i was trying to use my brother's desk lamp to light my room a little better, but it just didn't work...
when i got home from work i took a shower, masturbated, and then played Tekken 4 and listened to Juliana Hatfield for an hour or so... i'm really really loving Hey Babe right now... i've had it for a while (a burned copy anyway), and i'm just now really really really getting into it.
i want to buy cds so badly. i wish i wasn't so broke.
while i'm editing i might as well thank everyone for the sweet comments they've left today...it makes me feel all popular and stuff.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
heatdude:
Hi Delores, new here just wanted to say I really enjoy your pics, glad i found you, hope your doing okay. Cheer up I start off my day with Starbucks and a cigar, you should try it it works. MM
arctcknight:
oh JupiterSunrise im just the sexy chunk of man meat she's been hanging out with. anyways cheerup sexy. i can come over and talk about youre boobs more if you d like.