There's a manga/anime called Loveless (its a shonen BL type series but i highly recommend it)
Anyways, one of the characters, Soubi, mentions words can be a powerful thing. I don't know why it resonated so much with me. But since then, I've always been careful with what I say because once words pass your lips (or text lol) your life takes a different course.
I've mentioned I had to let go of someone i cared about and it made me sad and really annoyed. Saying 'I'm never going to speak with you ever again' sounds so childish. With what has happened everyone around me keeps telling me I needed to cut ties. It makes sense but why? Can't two human beings admit to their faults and be water under the bridge?
I honestly hated having to say I'm cutting myself out of their lifes. As if me not talking to them anymore is some sort of threat (I can only imagine not hearing me cry on repeat is a blessing) As I'm sipping my coffee trying to enjoy my morning before having to get ready for work later, all that's running through my mind is, I really need to stop listening to people.
I did experience deja vu when i woke up. Maybe my childishness will somehow pay off in the long run but right now, I'm really regretting regurgitating the trash I said this morning. Sometimes the best thing to say is nothing at all.
Sorry for venting publicly. Honestly, I'm embarrassed by the whole thing and i need people to shame me. The whole situation I'm currently in, i never had to deal with something like this. Normally, I have better judgement but because i like to over think everything and my anxiety likes to make things into shit storms in my mind, I panicked.
What did I learn from this? I need to relax and let things play out on their own. Rivers run smoothly because it's nature's course. Even if the water runs over some pebbles, it still keeps flowing.
As I once told someone, be red wine and let it breathe.
Again, sorry for the high school girl diary entry.
Later days :/
