Normally when i wake up, i sort of hear a song playing in my head, its almost like a mental alarm clock. Its most likely the hash brownies i had last night that made me so groggy but it was sort of depressing waking up in silence. A friend of mine has told I'm a very selfless person, that i think too much of other people's happiness but my own.
Yeah....
I can't help it.
Its my years of brainwashing my self to think i deserve nothing and no one.
(I'm possibly my own worst bully)
I suck but I'm working on vanquishing this awful habit and last night I had to make a hard decision to cut someone I cared about out of my life.
My morning was silent and it made me really miss this person but i know this will be for the best.
If not, I'm the only one to blame.
All i want for Christmas and for the rest of my life is to be 'normal'
I want to be able to want what other people have. I'm tired of hating myself for the self-sabotage.
Maybe next year, i can find my own happiness instead of pushing them away (apparently misery loves my company)
Anyways, sorry for all the depressing post. Ive been very out of it. These feel trips need to stop.
I'll make it up to y'all
Welps, later days :/
