went to work today, it's sunday! boo-hoo...! it was a gloomy sunday anyway. but just as I walk in the office, my roommie texts me that she needs the room back by the 4th of january. since i leave for rio in one week I will come back to a no-roof situation. fun! so i called my best friend who's acting a little more reserved than expected. my life just keeps getting better and better. guy friend is a bit irked that the moving deadline has been pushed up three times; it is a dodgy business, let me tell you, but I can't argue with the ho about keeping her room against her will.
this past month or six months has seemed as if nothing is supposed to work out. it's been one disaster after another. most of it self-made, but on the karmic side things haven't been great either. maybe this is the end of my line. I can almost hear the singing. it would be such a relief, after all. but god knows what awaits, there.
I've tried to rationalize a way out of it, but everywhere I turn, every step I take, I step into shit. I literally turn everything I touch into crap. Putting a gun to one's head is so... final. I half know the reasons why this is happening. And I'm not blaming anyone else but myself, oh no. I've demonstrated to myself that you have to work your luck up a little. i have worked like a maniac, but at work. not on personal stuff. personal stuff has gone the way of the titanic. I just feel bad, if I got off the train now, my mom would have a xmas without me, and my sweet girlfriend, waiting alone on a beach in rio, would be without the one she's been waiting for for more than two months; she says she's never missed anyone like she has missed me.. isn't that sweet?
one of the things that I fear the most is her parents' potential lack of sympathy and eventual ostracizing of my gf. there's already an abyss of incomprehension due to their advanced age in comparison to hers (they tried several times to have children; by the time they succeeded, almost a decade and a half went by).
roommie gave me a haircut tonight. my first one (she's a professional). it was a nice moment together; for just a moment I forgot, almost, what she had done to me. I had even decided to let bygones be bygones. so ok, it was month-to-month. but then I decided that it was too shady to do this to anyone. she could have coordinated it better with her friend coming from the south. she could have told her "my roommate needs to be here until the end of February."
uphill all the way. I heard this many years ago, and already had some understanding of what it meant. the idea behind this saying has been beat into me, by now. I feel very tired from it.
this past month or six months has seemed as if nothing is supposed to work out. it's been one disaster after another. most of it self-made, but on the karmic side things haven't been great either. maybe this is the end of my line. I can almost hear the singing. it would be such a relief, after all. but god knows what awaits, there.
I've tried to rationalize a way out of it, but everywhere I turn, every step I take, I step into shit. I literally turn everything I touch into crap. Putting a gun to one's head is so... final. I half know the reasons why this is happening. And I'm not blaming anyone else but myself, oh no. I've demonstrated to myself that you have to work your luck up a little. i have worked like a maniac, but at work. not on personal stuff. personal stuff has gone the way of the titanic. I just feel bad, if I got off the train now, my mom would have a xmas without me, and my sweet girlfriend, waiting alone on a beach in rio, would be without the one she's been waiting for for more than two months; she says she's never missed anyone like she has missed me.. isn't that sweet?
one of the things that I fear the most is her parents' potential lack of sympathy and eventual ostracizing of my gf. there's already an abyss of incomprehension due to their advanced age in comparison to hers (they tried several times to have children; by the time they succeeded, almost a decade and a half went by).
roommie gave me a haircut tonight. my first one (she's a professional). it was a nice moment together; for just a moment I forgot, almost, what she had done to me. I had even decided to let bygones be bygones. so ok, it was month-to-month. but then I decided that it was too shady to do this to anyone. she could have coordinated it better with her friend coming from the south. she could have told her "my roommate needs to be here until the end of February."
uphill all the way. I heard this many years ago, and already had some understanding of what it meant. the idea behind this saying has been beat into me, by now. I feel very tired from it.