dekews

Man.
This has been a rough one.
Flew to Singapore Saturday. Just got back. Yep, that's was almost 60 hours of travel to be there for 52 hours. With a 12 hour time difference.


And I came home to an empty house... She's gone again. That doesn't quite cover it.

I called her. Not sure if I convinced her to come back. She says she'll call back tomorrow.

I want to marry this woman. But, because I'm an idiot and didn't ask her to in time, I might lose her.
I'm sorry.
And because I was stuggling with my own mortality, I was negleting her.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know I was hurting her.
And for that, I am so, so sorry. The thought that I was/am causing her pain is making me physically ill. I feel hunger, but can't think about food. My stomach twists and feels like it's eating itself.

I want grow old with her.
I want to make art with her.
I want to see her become known as the great artist that she is.

I wish I could turn back the clock. Turn it back to about a year ago. And ask her then. Ask her if she would see the world with me. Ask her if she would share all her Summer evenings to stare up at the stars. Ask her if she would spend the rest of her days with me at her side, and me at hers.

I'm sorry. I hope she can forgive me.