defendtucson

Today has really sucked. I had a PT test today but I didn't make it because while driving I started feeling nauseous and light headed. Everything seems to be going wrong right now. I need to get out of this rut. I just don't know how too. Luckily my squadron is being pretty awesome about things and helping me out. I just want to get my PT test done so I can go home. I am no longer flying on the mission to Africa because I had to have the test done before the mission leaves and I can't get another test until sometime next week. oh well. sucks to be me. Luckily I have friends back home who give a shit and want me back there. I can't wait to be there. Tucson is my home and where I belong. I love that town. This weekend better get better. I want to be happy again, I don't want to be alone and I don't want to be depressed. I realized I think with my heart, not my mind. I'm not saying I'm retarded or unintelligent. What I mean is, I put people ahead of my own wants and desires. I always have. I sacrifice for people who are unwilling to sacrifice for me. I love them no matter what because thats what my heart tells me to do. I rationalize with emotion instead of logic. Instead of seeing my ex as a lying piece of shit, I see her as going through a confusing time that she will get over sometime and realize what she had. I know this isn't a good way to think but I can't help it. I wish I could think more with my brain and see things in a different light when needed but it's hard too. I guess the only thing I can do is to find someone who does that same as me. maybe then I'd be able to keep someone happy and content instead of always wanting something different.