just came back from dantes.
i'm not sure how I feel seeing beautiful girls like that. Reading journals is easier because then i can at least imagine the whole person. actually, one of the sg girls kind of got to me. most of my brain knows that i dont know her or what she is like but another part of me is certain that my attraction must be some psychic energy picked up from her being such a cool, honest, nice person. who happens to be extremely hot. i looked around though and i know that at least im not alone in thinking that way.
so where does that leave watching beautiful women like that? if they were all the same i think my brain could push certain thoughts into a place that makes them easier to deal with. but this one person stood out. that makes all the other thoughts super easy to push into a category, but this one chick, well, she must be different because i felt different when i saw her in person. right? yeah, right. stupid i know but i cant deny what i felt at the time. feelings are never wrong, its just the thoughts attached sometimes that are fucked up.
meanwhile i just had to stop seeing a beautiful woman because she was getting too emotionally attached. i would like to be attached but, even though she is beautiful, fun, honest etc i dont have that feeling and she is way too nice to go along letting her think something that isnt true. i like to think im not the kind of person who would do that and i guess im not. mostly for selfish reasons though; it just makes me feel crappy so i dont do it.
shit. they say it is all pheromones that are based on our immune system and our basic instincts are just looking to make healthier kids. that may be true but if it is that really sucks. i dont believe that at all ever. on the radio today (wait wait dont tell me) I heard that the marriages that last the longest are based on social status and the romantic ones fail the most. that must be why ive never been married cause i just look for the romantic side. who would i be into for social status anyway? a bike racer? a social service diva? a reiki master chick? again, that must be why ive not married and am single. no social status i care about.
sometimes i wish i was into money because then i would have something to fall back on. or art oh i must paint! i must challenge peoples perceptions! yeah, right. challenge this.
its late and tomorrow i have to go to this great job so many people would die to have so i should shut the hell up and learn to appreciate it. or leave and let someone else do it who would be into like i used to be.
i sent her an e-mail by the way. wonder if shell remember talking to me? and i didnt see eris who i wanted to see in person because i imagine from the tiny tid bits i know that i would like her (even if she wasnt hot also).
i did meet a cool guy though and also reminded myself of some things i already knew but forgot/ignored for a little bit.
a nice long one eh?
i'm not sure how I feel seeing beautiful girls like that. Reading journals is easier because then i can at least imagine the whole person. actually, one of the sg girls kind of got to me. most of my brain knows that i dont know her or what she is like but another part of me is certain that my attraction must be some psychic energy picked up from her being such a cool, honest, nice person. who happens to be extremely hot. i looked around though and i know that at least im not alone in thinking that way.
so where does that leave watching beautiful women like that? if they were all the same i think my brain could push certain thoughts into a place that makes them easier to deal with. but this one person stood out. that makes all the other thoughts super easy to push into a category, but this one chick, well, she must be different because i felt different when i saw her in person. right? yeah, right. stupid i know but i cant deny what i felt at the time. feelings are never wrong, its just the thoughts attached sometimes that are fucked up.
meanwhile i just had to stop seeing a beautiful woman because she was getting too emotionally attached. i would like to be attached but, even though she is beautiful, fun, honest etc i dont have that feeling and she is way too nice to go along letting her think something that isnt true. i like to think im not the kind of person who would do that and i guess im not. mostly for selfish reasons though; it just makes me feel crappy so i dont do it.
shit. they say it is all pheromones that are based on our immune system and our basic instincts are just looking to make healthier kids. that may be true but if it is that really sucks. i dont believe that at all ever. on the radio today (wait wait dont tell me) I heard that the marriages that last the longest are based on social status and the romantic ones fail the most. that must be why ive never been married cause i just look for the romantic side. who would i be into for social status anyway? a bike racer? a social service diva? a reiki master chick? again, that must be why ive not married and am single. no social status i care about.
sometimes i wish i was into money because then i would have something to fall back on. or art oh i must paint! i must challenge peoples perceptions! yeah, right. challenge this.
its late and tomorrow i have to go to this great job so many people would die to have so i should shut the hell up and learn to appreciate it. or leave and let someone else do it who would be into like i used to be.
i sent her an e-mail by the way. wonder if shell remember talking to me? and i didnt see eris who i wanted to see in person because i imagine from the tiny tid bits i know that i would like her (even if she wasnt hot also).
i did meet a cool guy though and also reminded myself of some things i already knew but forgot/ignored for a little bit.
a nice long one eh?
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
escapegoat:
uh oh.......youre going through the analysis paralysis of unobatainium.........dancers.....we love em and hate em......so like you were there sunday night...........me too......i got fuckin trash too..........tall boy with black tassel jacket and black hat and dancing/ bouncin off people later on........girls are kool.....women are few and far between
escapegoat:
oh i forgot.........oh nevermind.....i think i know which girls has got ya fucked up............and the smell the glove reference is from the movie spinal tap..........and the smell of booze on a girl is as yummy as it gets........