Okay-

I just never know where I stand with her.

I think I might be too "good" or whatever. She sort of ignored me on Friday. I mean, all that I really want to do is get to know her a lot better. I fuck up on signals. I give horrid ones myself. I get bashful. I am too overt, and too diminutive, you know?

I can't help that I honestly think she is gorgeous, and the larger part of that comes from her intelligence, I'm certain. I just can't seem to get beyond that. I go out, spend time with other people, but she's the winner in my consciousness, you know? It's not the expectation that we will mesh or anything, so much as the desire to see whether we could be close. Sadly, her long relationship probably puts me at a disadvantage, as does knowing very little about her.

That's the cold hard reality of crushiness. It's so ambiguous and abstract. I can't put my finger on "it."

Anyhow, enough about that; Every day she's not trying to be with me, it's completely her loss, you know? I am just trying to find ways to make the time to get to know her. And I'm such a tool, I couldn't even ask her out/for a date/lunch/drink/number. So far. I'm actually super-cool. I've got to remember that!

Anyhow, this weekend was odd.

Basketball on Friday. I sucked bad. It was even worse that I flung myself into a bench underneath the basketball hoop resulting in a shin with a soft-ball sized bruise/scabby thing resulting in 1/2 an hour. WHOooo! It hurt. Anyhow, the swelling dropped significantly by the next morning, which was good.

Friday night, I came home and the door was opened, but both locks were locked. It appears that someone attempted to and perhaps successfully entered the apartment, but was frightened off by Charlie- the dog. I called my roommmate, who knew nothing about it.

Saturday morning I bought and switched out a lock. -Yeah, I'm a fucking handy-man!- and then went to school to study. I studied forever, and then Min and Joanna wanted a break, so I went out with Hila, and the aforementioned to a tiny bar for a drink, and then to a Korean bar/restaurant, which was really really tasty, and cool. Hip/cool!

Anyhow, still went out and had a nice time, woke up, spent time with the roommate and came to school. I worked with two other people, but have come to realize that I do my best work by myself.

I told Biana about the crush. She said I'm too sweet like the guy next door... Probably truish.

I'm not discounting love from others, but the chance I desire, I won't let fall. Not quite yet, you know? There's got to be hope in these feelings and things, but right now, just meeting on equal terms would be enough.

Dear ladies, gentlemen, and deities of amorrrrrrrrrrrrrr, ever watching a lonely boy casting his nets, take comfort and solace in the repetition of these acts. Soon, trees shall shake, mortal bodies will crumble, and cold stones shall once again go untouched for centuries, but for the lingering graces of a witnessed embrace was it all worthwhile, even if it were only the memory of desire,

boy.