decota

Under L. Marie

Red Rover Red Rover

The night started out like any other. I went to Jones, by myself. Called the Music Man to join me since he was only up the street. As I waited for him to show, three cute girls sat down right next to me and began playing a card game of Would you rather I listened in on their scenarios and answers humorously while bouncing my eavesdropping to the familiar-looking-actor and his girlfriend. I only slept with one girl while we were broken up. I swear! he shouted so loud, so how could I not listen. No! It was two! she shouted back.

The gals, lets call them Dee, White Hat and Blond-y, and I were admiring the male patrons from our spot at the backside of the bar. Its slightly elevated above all the other bar stools. It may look like a dark un-appealing corner but it truly offers the best seat in the house for gazing and eavesdropping, as peoples conversations filter and bounce directly over to us. Hence all the listening in on familiar-looking-actor and his girlfriends make-up session.

Dee elbowed me, Is it just me or do you feel like youre in kindergarten?

What? What do you mean? I asked.

Look! We are over here. All girls. Then across the bar are all the guys. Like were separated or something. Dee said.

Oh, how funny. Youre right.

And that creepy one keeps staring at us.

The one in the white shirt? Yeah I noticed that too. Only hes not creepy. Hes just mope-y because hes surrounded by dudes.

Suddenly we were all distracted by the third party that joined the Make-up couple. Topher Grace from That 70s Show walked up to them smiling happily in a grey hoodie and ready to eat. We all shared a knowing look to one another, White Hat the most giddy of us all. As we were discussing the eating habits of Mr. Grace. White Hat informed us that he was a Vegan, the Music Man showed up eager to meet my new recruit of fun females.

So what? Do you think should I do it? White Hat asked.

Do what? I chimed in.

She wants to send Topher a drink. Dee answered.

What would you do if a girl sent you a drink? White Hat asked the Music Man.

Id think it was hot! You should do it! He encouraged.

But Im not sure I can. Im nervous. And what do I send? White Hat said.

After some deliberating we all agreed on a drink for Topher. It was some beer Id never heard of starting with a P. But she couldnt order it. She was too nervous. So I ordered and told Nick the Bartender to say it was from The Girl in the White Hat. One problem. Nick the Bartender had no fucking clue who Topher Grace was. And he soon had four drunk girls yelling and pointing to the a table by the door.
White Hat convinced the Music Man to casually walk past the table to make sure Mr. Grace received his gift. It was there but he didnt seem to do anything about it.

Nick! Did you tellim? Did you tell it was from the Girl in the White Hat?

Wait what? Nick said and then he took somebodys drink order.

He doesnt even know who its from! White Hat moaned.

OK. I have an idea. Lets all send drinks to people. And whoever gets their person to come over wins! I exclaimed in excitement.

That sounds like a fantastic idea! Music Man replied.

Yeah lets do it! added Dee.

So who are you going to send yours too? They asked me.

That one! I said pointing to the guy in the white shirt across the bar. Im sendin mine to Mope-y over there.

The Creepy guy? Oh thats not fair! Youre going to win! Dee said.

The point is to get them to come over right? So pick somebody you think will come over. I said.

While we were discussing whether to send something fruity, expensive or drab, Music Man nudged me and whispered to me while pointing to a girl across the bar in a slutty flower print dress, That one looks dirty.

Yeah she looks like she has a dirty Pirate Hooker Mouth. I said and with that, a little bit of cocktail vacated Music Mans mouth and he started to crack up.The girls had to know what was so funny and they all agreed that yes, she looked like she had a dirty Pirate Hooker Mouth.

I sent a Washington apple to Mope-y McMoperson. We all waited eagerly for him to get his drink. When Nick put it in front of him we all watched from our perch and then in unison began to laugh hysterically. There was no doubt who the drink came from since we made such a scene. Four girls and one dude practically falling off their bar stools with laughter. Mope-y and his friend Horny descended upon us and joined us on the perch.

OK now you have to send a drink to somebody. I said to Mope-y. He sent a Washington Apple to a cute girl in a Fedora who had had talked to earlier in the night. I informed him how that doesnt count, since I was making up the rules as we went along and all. He already talked to her. But it didnt matter anyway since the girl didnt come over and she didnt drink it really either.

Dee picked a guy who looked like a retired terrorist. Which was a great call. But Nick wouldnt deliver it because Retired Terroist wasnt at a table nor close enough to the bar. Music Man picked a tall blond girl who we assumed was a Volley Ball Player. His reasoning was that all of her friends were a foot or more shorter then her so she must have a complex and must be really sick of her friends getting all the six-footers leaving her with the very small pool of six-fivers. But, she wasnt at the bar either. So I offered to hand deliver the drink.

Volley Ball Player was not as cute up-front in my opinion, Some guy paid me a dollar to give this to you.

Huh? Is there a Roofie in it? She, and her average-woman-height friends looked annoyed.

No theres not a Roofie in it. I said returning their annoyed tone since this bitch was clearly ungrateful for the free booze that I was hand-fucking-delivering!

Well then why would some guy pay you a dollar to give me this drink? She thought she had me there.

Because he wanted to send you a drink. But youre not sitting at the bar so the bartender wouldnt send it.

So then why didnt he bring it over?

Ugh! Because if he walked it over, you for sure would think there was a Roofie in it! and that's not how sending drinks to people works.

She swirled the glass around and lifted it up checking the bottom for fizz and white particles resembling a crushed pill.

I swear theres no Roofie in it!

I went back to the perch and told the Music Man what happened.
What? Why the fuck would you say that? Why didnt you tell here it was from a tall dark and handsome man who wants nothing more then to carry her Roofied ass home? He was kidding. But not about the tall/handsome part.

I went back to Volley Bally Player. "So do you even what to know who it's from?"

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"It's from the tall handsome guy over there." I said pointing to Music Man.

"Oh. OK. Thanks." and with that she turned her back to me and finished her free beverage. And didn't even thank the Music Man. Not even a wave or a smile.
What a bitch. We didn't want her to come over anyway. We clearly misjudged her for someone of a cooler nature. When in fact she had much more of a cunt nature.


When all but one of us had sent our drinks and Horny had failed to pick-up Dee, White Hat or Blond-y, I informed him he still needed to take his turn. He was on the Pussy Prowl and winning was of no real concern to him. He wanted to get laid.

Well then you have to send yours to Pirate Hooker Mouth! Somebody has too. I begged.

What about Mope-y?

He sent his to Fedora.
After convincing him he would surly get his dick sucked,(not by me of course)Horny sent a glass of wine to Pirate Hooker Mouth to all of our amusement. We watched from the perch, her receive it, and inspect it. She looked around. He waved. We all giggled. But she made him come to her. So he lost too.

Upon returning from the bathroom White Hat sat at Fedoras vacated seat and pretended to be a lost little lamb in need of a drink. In an adorable overdramatic act of surprise, she looked down and discovered Fedoras barely touched Washington Apple. She put her hands to her cheeks in a Oh-whats this? For Me? fashion. Then she drank it down and we all laughed in approval.

Also, it turned out that Mope-y was actually pretty creepy and genuinely mope-y. A door-to-door software salesman by day, he would, no joke, punch something anytime somebody mentioned his job. Which, turned into a little side game. We all made a point to continue to bring up his job. Then on queue, fist to speaker, comment on job, fist to wall, comment on software, fist to bar. Yeah he was definably going home alone with that attitude.

We all went home alone actually. But that was not the point of the game. The point of the game was to bring people together, make the party bigger and pick people who looked fun. Not people who we wanted to fuck. But by the end of it Nick was so irritated with us using him as a messenger and annoyed at our rowdy antics from the perch. People probably thought we were nuts. But I have to tell you it was so much fun! Great.Fucking.Game! Red Rover Red Rover! Send Topher Grace on over!