Hey hey Kids
So yeah I'm back..... not that anyone will remember, especially as I created a new account instead of just reactivating. I guess I wanted a fresh start..... didn't want to read through all the crap of the past 4 years and bring myself further down.
I'm stuck in a hotel room with work. I would take a photo, but sometimes the imagination is more powerful. I'm on the bed. A metre to the left is a wall, a metre to the right is a wall, a metre from the bottom is........ a wall. Yeah you pretty much get the idea, I can't think of a worse place to be.
I've had to work so hard this last week, my depression loves it.... I can throw myself into work without caring about me, distracting myself from all emotion and feeling. Trouble being when I have to face it, like this morning, I end up ten times worse..... avoiding going to bed, staying up and reading about the effects of inert gas on the brain.
I have suicidal thoughts. Deal with it. Please.. Cos I pretty much fucking can't. I just pretend they don't exist..... still in a perverse way I like that I'm in a bad place, in a hotel room on my own. I just keep telling myself to keep on keeping on,
I should be working, but I'm exhausted. Already worked a full day, plus my weekend, 11pm isn't the time to start..... apart from that little voice inside that tells me that it is.
So yeah this is what this is and always has been. Somewhere to vent, somewhere I have to be less worried about people reading my paper journal. Plus it has hot girls, which is never a bad thing.
Peace, love and melody
Me
xx
So yeah I'm back..... not that anyone will remember, especially as I created a new account instead of just reactivating. I guess I wanted a fresh start..... didn't want to read through all the crap of the past 4 years and bring myself further down.
I'm stuck in a hotel room with work. I would take a photo, but sometimes the imagination is more powerful. I'm on the bed. A metre to the left is a wall, a metre to the right is a wall, a metre from the bottom is........ a wall. Yeah you pretty much get the idea, I can't think of a worse place to be.
I've had to work so hard this last week, my depression loves it.... I can throw myself into work without caring about me, distracting myself from all emotion and feeling. Trouble being when I have to face it, like this morning, I end up ten times worse..... avoiding going to bed, staying up and reading about the effects of inert gas on the brain.
I have suicidal thoughts. Deal with it. Please.. Cos I pretty much fucking can't. I just pretend they don't exist..... still in a perverse way I like that I'm in a bad place, in a hotel room on my own. I just keep telling myself to keep on keeping on,
I should be working, but I'm exhausted. Already worked a full day, plus my weekend, 11pm isn't the time to start..... apart from that little voice inside that tells me that it is.
So yeah this is what this is and always has been. Somewhere to vent, somewhere I have to be less worried about people reading my paper journal. Plus it has hot girls, which is never a bad thing.
Peace, love and melody
Me
xx
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
I'm an accountant. Its not important at all, its just hard keeping up with people deadlines and demands is all, so it can be pretty stressful.
Its pretty far away from what I want to be doing, I realised that today
xx
On the masturbation-thing, it's always a good thing to gift ourselves to