deathtoyourmom

i am on a low.

it is a dystopic and unbearable feeling
likened to when cutting a section of meat
tearing at the final ligament which will not give
sawing tediously, the tencility at its fiercest
ceasing to break in order to prolong the tension

it is a chinese torture more aptly applied to thinking
the pressure for rapid results, pressure to maintain stability
pressure to be properly cognitive
hitting a blank wall every time you want to string a sentence together
heartbreakingly attempting to ignore these feelings of utter failure
cursed with these malfunctioning chemicals

at the time i least want to be bothered with this uselessness
i blame you for my selfish demeanor
i blame you for the destruction
i blame you for my detachment
for my lack of desire, for everything i've fucked up and later realized
while in a post-sociopathic stupor

fuck you, serotonin.
fuck you for your bad timing
fuck you for your inability to equalize.
fuck you for your langorous manipulation of my mind.

i need to go be alone now.