deathtoforls

i have absolutey no idea of what im doing with my life. what is truly amazing is how awful i am. awful....speechless, I think i am a total fuckoff. my own blood boils over my inadequacies and actions. im having some crazy karma realizations. my head is racing, I should clean. im twitchy. i cant handle death. im just using bad substances to cover it. burgundy carpet colors and what does that mean? is it some cruel mindfuck? these paranoid thoughts that run through my head. all these juvenile memos and fucking tps reports. i cant think. I feel insane. goddamned dextrostats and pot and god knows what else because i've been in a stupor and fuck im imperfect these thoughts in my head have spiritual significance and bearing on my being
it makes me shudder to think of my past mistakes and regrets and some sort of facade of sanity and grasp on humanity the bitterness echoes within every single atom of my being. im truly going insane...perhaps i should take something to knock myself out. these pills are making me crazy. spiritual and religious incidences therefore must be a figment of the mind due to their propensity for being present when the mind is chemically altered. whatever happened to the " i should have this mentality all the time trip" like one would experience with hallucinogens and amphetamines. i am truly paranoid at the notion of being so open with my life and its crazy making. cut all ties. i cant decide whether or not to think about this, probably because I have to find some
way to torture myself. i need to stop clawing myself to shreds, who the fuck am I? who've i become in the process. what the fuck am i doing other than being a leech on society? damnit, its like ive lost all dignity and shame, as if nothing i do will be right so why bother trying at all. gluttony, for fucks sake i am hedonistic. and why not? trying to calm these dozen or so voices all with their own agenda, their own conscience, their own version of the story and their own web of lies. Life is so fucking complicated. I need for it no tot be, if only for one day.