deathkisses

ok i have tonnes of things i could post about, but to make it all short (and less tears on my half) i hate drugs, i hate what they do to people i hate the way they ruin lives (even lives that hate drugs) i hate that i wanna hate the people closest to me. i hate that i dont even wanna talk to or look at them. i hate that ill never escape the addiction i dont have. i hate that im the only one hurt and that no one cares, (other then the friends that were there for me) i hate that i cant just go and sit in the tub and cut myself just to see the blood and calm myeslf, cuz i promised myself i can make it on my own. i hate that the pills that killed me two years ago are what i need right now to calm my nerves. yet ill never touch them again. i hate that bipolar/anxiety is so hard to fight on your own. i hate that i have no one to help. i hate that everything i just said started with hate.

but anyway that wasnt short at all. but at least i didnt cry over the details. it felt nice to let that out in that way. so a week and a bit and im out of this place. the first night ill be sleeping on a bare floor with nothing in my place just to get out of here. i work 1-7pm and 10-3am that day so ill be cleaning int he morn and ill probably bring a few things for work and what not over in the morn. how? dont know yet. i work too much i should hire a mover... oh wait im moving in with one!!! hahahaha... but he works too much too. ugh. i wonder how long itll take to get settled in. im guessing... WEEKS. several.

i still dont have a computer i went o look at one for $200 but then i realized that i would only have the tower.. no moniter or sound system, no mouse.. so i decided im juts gonna stick with this laptop idea. im actually gonna go look at a few websites for good deals.. i wanna be on a paymeant plan cuz i dont have a lumpsum id need to buy one.

i think i realy need a girls night out, drinking, dancing... but i lack the girls. ive got bex, shes only 18. ive got jamie, hes good for a girls night, hes 19, but until i get my place he cant drink in town.. he lives too faraway. hmmm... guess ill just have to work. haha.

OMG tool just came on tv and it reminded me about how mad i am that i cant go see them. days before my bday... UGH. oh well i guess ill just have to play tool really loud and mosh with some friends the day of the concert. smoke some joints have some drinks, we'l call it a concert hahaa!! i love my firends.

wow.. i totally forgot to tell you about my new friend Chewbacca, my gerbil!! he is 6 weeks old and so damn cute. i have a pic here.

oh and i also got my nipple pierced! ive wanted it done for so long, finally after a night of BS i went to sauble beach with the girls and got it done, i also bought some posters and a new glass pipe. i think it was a good day, i just wish that i had more money!!! haha.
please ignore that iam indeed a big girl.

so yea its definatly time for me to get off my ass and do my shit before work.. i have an hour!!! aahhhh wish my luck!! haha.

laidher \m/


Chrie