deathbypapaya

well... sorry i havent written in forever. sometimes when your life is too busy to sleep or eat you dont have time for the internet that gave you so much solace as a bored high school student alone in your michigan bedroom. i feel disloyal... not just towards s.g. obviously, more or less towards everyone who gave me solace as a bored high schooler. old friends, old boyfriend, old life. i like it here plenty but i dont really feel like myself anymore. i dont know who that was or will be but im losing any sense of center.
sorry to sound like a livejournal bitcher and moaner.
honestly, i started this "diary" to stalk girls, a certain girl in particular. im kind of ashamed but i dont care in the end, this site is seedier in its purpose than is normally acknowledged, because in the end no one gets the seedy outcome they are looking for. is a lack of sucess evidence of a lack of intent?
i dont mean to diss sg. i love it. but... i dont know. as i move on it my life im still trying to date women and i always end up feeling like a creepy pervert. not cause im another woman, just because i want to be with a woman so badly and i dont know how to go about it. maybe guys can relate to that sentiment, and im always impatient when guys come off that way. but i do too. and i think its responsible for my lack of girl-on-girl action. that and the fact that i keep getting painfully involved with guys.
well... im tired and moreover sleep deprived and im trying to do my laudry, so id better go. im in the danger zone where you have not only run out of clean socks,but clean underwear as well.
thanks for letting me vent as i so rarely do.