deathboy

OK.......... im ready..... i got a full glass of red, whine, the pipe is loaded and Im ready to unload this dilema that has puzzled me for the last 2 weeks.........

alright, let me first say that after my fiance'
left me over a year ago , i have been alone working on myself. after much grief I have been able to let go of my love for her and move on... since jessica,
i have had 1 date. I have been very selective about the girls I try to date, in fear of getting hurt again. Its very weird being with someone for 5 years then trying to date again ... BUT THEN......

(get ready because this will be long........)
I met Mandy. At my work we we seasonal hires for the rush , and she was one of the last to come in. The first night she was there we had to work together and man it was like love at first sight.
I mean dude, This girl was just too fucking hot and cool! And I could tell she liked me instantly.

We would have these awesome talks, and man,
we just would look into eachothers eyes and it was obivious that we were attracted to eachother, so much that we didnt even have to say anything about it .......

So we were talking at work before christmas and I explained to her that my family was leaving for christmas and I couldnt because of my band and work. So she invited me to her parents house for christmas eve dinner! I was like "whooa".
Because we hadnt even exchanged numbers or went out yet, but it didnt matter because I would have done anything she asked.
So , her last day came and she got my number....
Christmas Eve rolls around and I was hella nervous!
I wanted everything to be right, i bought her mom a huge pointseta plant, her a dozen roses and a card and I dressed up! LOL I never dress up! I had on a fucking tie!
I did this because I wanted to be a gentleman and wanted her parents to like me. So I drove an hour all the way to Molalla, and came to the house.
Her twin sister answered the door and it was nuts because I didnt know she had a twin. SO anyways,
things went fucking super! We had allot of fun!
Talking with her family, eating , watching movies whatever..... we had also made plans to hang out new years eve at a party at my house.

I was just so happy, i could tell this girl really liked me for who I was. And believe me we were totally different people. Im this punk rocker in a band and she is this college girl on the track team.
But that was what made it cool. I just had this feeling that I would eventually be with this girl for a long time. SO anyways, it got late and I decided to go since I had an HOUR drive ahead of me.
We walked out to the car and hugged and I very sweetley gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

She quickly mentioned that her and her sister would be hanging out the next night, watching movies at her house and I could come. But that she would call me. Christmas day she called and said she was very tired after a long day and was just gonna go to bed. But that she would call me soon.
After hanging out for hours the day before it wasnt a big deal, So I was like , "cool, merry christmas".

... and thats the last I have heard from her.........
i didnt have her number because she just moved and didnt have a phone. days after christmas went by and no mandy....... then new years eve, ( the day we had a date) I called her parents house and left a message for her to call me with her older sister..... still no Mandy....... i let a week go by then I called again ( telling myself this was the last time i would call) and left a message with her little sister.....
......still no Mandy.......... Im just soooo confused!
LIke..... what did I do wrong? Did i try too hard to be nice? I dont think so , everything I did or said she seemed so touched that I was being a nice guy...
and I wasnt doing it to try to get laid, I was doing it because it felt natural to be nice to somebody your into.....

I explained to her that I would NEVER meet some girls family for like a first date if I wasnt totally into her.....she knew this.... but i always would have thought that she would at least call and tell me that it wasnt going to work out... but nothing.....
I just feel so confused.....and hurt.....i mean I really tried to do everything right and I was so happy.

That night , going home i couldnt help but drop a few tears and cry because I was just so happy.
After that break up of 5 years, I never thought I would met a girl that could touch me emotionally
like jessica, but then I met mandy........ and man I was happy. But I just dont get it........

tonight at work , one of my supervisors told me he saw her at school and she told him to tell everyone "hi!" from her! What the fuck? What about me?

I dont know it just makes no sense.........
why would she invite a guy over to her parents house to meet all of her family on christmas, like a boyfriend and never call again? I mean i certainly didnt do anything bad or say anything rude?

So I guess I should just let it go ........ i dont know.. there is nothing else to do .... i will miss her though and I know I will think of her.... i mean this girl persued me! She asked for my phone number and invited me to her house....... im puzzled........

and i was just wondering if anybody has any ideas... one side note, I know that her and her twin were dating 2 friends. Mandy broke up with her boyfriend months ago though.... I was thinking that maybe the other friend got tipped off my mandy's sister that some guy was coming around then tried to get back with her???? I dont know what the fuck happend...... But I think that its pretty childish that she couldnt call me and tell whatever the fuck was up! oh well. I have such terrible luck with women! Its her lose though! Because I would have treated her good! thanks for reading!!

loveless,
bryan