dear_

So, I'm kindof messed up in a few ways.
I was adopted at birth; my birthmum had me when she was nineteen.
I later met said birth mother when I was sixteen, though she always wrote me birthday cards and things.
She's a lot like me and I love her very much.

My adoptive mother is a very sweet lady. She always loved kids but could never get pregnant; they don't know why.
I have an older brother (who was also adopted), and three younger brothers; triplets (test tube babies!).
My older brother has Asperger's Syndrome, and for those of you who don't know what that is, it's a 'light' version of autism. He had a temper like no other, and everything was black and white.
He's two years older than me.
He hasn't lived with my family since I was about eleven.
My younger brothers are a bunch of monsters.
If you know anything about how I feel about them, I hate them.
Not like a sibling rivalry sort of hate; a fiery hate.
My mum is a darling, caring woman and they treat her horribly. It's not fair to her. It's not fair that sweet, loving people like her get treated like shit. The world may not be fair, but it isn't fucking right. She's got so much love. She just wants to love and be loved; don't we all?
There are no people who fill me with more loathing than my brothers. They're fucking assholes, to be said nicely.

Safe to say I have a dysfunctional family.
You may have notised I didn't mention my father; I love the man, but he was never a huge part of my life.

I grew up as a bit of an outcast; though, I've always been a bit introverted, so that's okay.
I kept a close circle of friends through most my life, though I am no longer close to any of those people any more, really.

I try to be an optimistic and cheerful person, but it's hard.
I'm jaded and bitter, really.
I've been left behind and lied to a few too many times.
I don't trust anyone.
My fondest wish is that some day I will find someone that I will be able to trust; to just not worry that I'm going to get hurt.
I'm loyal to a fault, I suppose. I guess I expected others would share the sentiment. Obviously I've been wrong a few times.

I do have clinical depression, for those of you who don't know.
I've been previously medicated without a lot of success.
I just want to be happy.

I want to do the things I like, such as draw, and colour, and listen to music, and play with kittens, and sing, and play with make up, and talk to people about life, and play with dinosaurs, and watch movies, and such.
I wish I could just do those things with people that I love and not worry about anything else.
That'd be nice.