"As a mom I'm totally wrapped up in my kids' lifestyle and activities. I've lost my identity. My passions, painting, sculpting, ect. My sexiness is gone in my eyes, along with my drive. I feel like a mom and that's it...I know my husband struggles with this balance as well." (Anonymous)
Responding SG: @rambo
Hello, fellow mama! Thanks for reaching out. I can absolutely relate to your struggle in finding a balance between your parent self, partner self, and individual self. As if societal pressures are not enough, we live in an age where we are constantly being bombarded with images of unattainable perfection. Take solace knowing that we are all a bit of a mess behind the scenes!
It is so important to set aside time to nurture both your relationship and yourself. When it comes to marriage, date nights are essential. Try to set aside one night a week, or even every other week, for just you and your husband to spend some quality time together. I know finding trustworthy childcare can be tough or it may not be in the budget. If you and your partner are unable to get out of the house together, plan something at home! Make Friday night game night. Put the kids to bed, then pull out a few of your favorite board games, make some snacks, and spend a few hours together playing. Maybe Sundays become movie night, where you alternate turns choosing a movie to cuddle up to and watch together. Or you can even put together a sweet back porch picnic while the kids nap or attend soccer practice.
My husband and I put a lot of stock in maintaining who we are as individuals, and find spending time with our friends separately is an incredibly important part of this. We take turns enjoying a night out with them for dinner or drinks, or having a few over to catch up. We make sure there is balance so that we both get this individual time. It can also be nice to offer overseeing the kids for a few hours while your partner has time to work on a hobby, shop, or even just take a nap! Everyone deserves time to themselves, and its important to help facilitate that for each other.
Once you have kids, your life changes in more ways than you ever expected. Just remember that in order to be the absolute best parent you can be you must first be a happy YOU :)
Love,
@rambo
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