deadofwinter

So how am I doing today? Not too bad I guess. But I feel like I am standing on top of a fence. Teetering back and forth to keep my balance until I figure out which side I will fall on. I know which side I should fall on, but the other side is the one I want to fall on. And despite my previous efforts, I can feel myself giving up and wanting to just leap off to one side. Do you know which side that is? I almost jumped today. It took everything in me to not. And everytime I want to jump, it gets harder and harder to not do it. And I know if I keep up like this it is going to kill me... Quite possibly literally.

Im at the brink of insanity, I dont know anymore...
Do you? Does anyone?

I use to use coin tosses or other mechanisms of random luck to make major life decisions when I couldnt make them myself... So someone, anyone, quick, randomly say left or right and I will jump in that direction!!! LOL...

Yes the insanity of the lonely Saturday night has hit already and its not even night yet, its just late afternoon!!!

Edit:
Well now it is night time and my apartment is becoming the death of me. I have kept the curtains drawn and the lights off all day. The only light is the flicker of the tv that I am not watching because there is nothing on. Oh Clemson South Carolina how I hate you so for being so FUCKING BORING!!!!
Am I bitter? Yup! Im bitter, bored, self destructive and I hate the world tonight... So I digress and withdrawl from it and its games... I have grown tired of them and will not put up with them anymore... Stick a fork in me, im done!

As for the fence, i have decided that the only thing that really matters in the equation is falling on what ever side has the hardest fall... Or falls farthest from here...