It has been 1,147 days since I last smoked weed. It’s been 854 days since I had any nicotine. It’s only been a week since I last had any alcohol because I slipped. I’m more proud of quitting marijuana then anything because it ruled my life before, I can hardly remember most of my 20s because I was always high. I’m having a difficult time right now and I really want to go throw the sobriety streaks in the trash and indulge. Nothing is stopping me I could do it at any moment but I’m just gonna keep on counting the days one at a time. For now sobriety wins because of all the positives it’s brought to my life.
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oldernow:
it is particularly rough in the Covid areas because meetings or gatherings of other similar folk are less available. I have no strong opinion one way or the other for AA--i've seen it work, and i've seen it fail or just be too damned lame...but there is a camaraderie of sorts with others who know the same struggle, and know that no matter how long it has been, each day is the only day you can count. so count that day and consider that there are tens of thousands also trying to count that day. the real problem (besides the hole in our pleasure center that nothing else quite fills--as well I know) is that the weight of years of abuse are sometimes on one end of the see-saw while one measly day, one measly choice stands on the other. that's why linking our arms--as it were--with even one or two others helps so much. me? i got me a girl in another town who has her bad days and good days... never been lovers (thank god), but we are non-drinking buddies, and that has given me space to breathe from time to time.... you are not alone and yet you are alone. taking up arms against ourselves is the cost of individuality. always.
deadmoonnight:
@oldernow hey man thanks for your post I think you are right that standing together with others who are sober will make it easier. I’m doing this on my own and most of my friends don’t understand that I don’t want these things to control my life but addiction is difficult to overcome. I’m happy to hear you got someone to keep on the right path, stay strong brother.