This blog is inspired by @starry's recent rant about dating which she apparently took down.
Before I get into how Mrs. DeadGuitarist and I became romantically involved, a little more about me and my dating history.
I am a bit of a loner... well, more than a bit. When I was a kid, I played board games by myself a lot because no one wanted to play them with me. I figured out how to "play" baseball by myself when there were no kids around to play with. But it wasn't until I lived in Alabama that I really became a loner. I had very few friends (Tommy and his wife Angie, Jessica, who I dated, Lewis, Sherry and her family, and Kahli... that was pretty much it) when I lived in Fayette, Alabama. I spent a lot of time alone... practicing guitars and writing shitty songs, watching television and movies, playing video games by myself (in those days Intellivision was the most advanced gaming console), drive to Tuscaloosa, Alabama to go shopping at the mall, go to the movies, bowling and more. I did things with other people too: go out with girlfriends, hang out with my friends Tommy and his wife Angie, play softball on my church softball team, played briefly with a band (Tommy, Ned and me) and some other stuff. So anyone who I dated romantically would eventually learn, and have to accept, I need a lot of me time to do things I enjoy, or have to learn to enjoy them with me.
The whole point of that is I spent a lot of time alone. To this day I need a lot of me time. And Mrs. DeadGuitarist accepts that, though she will call me on it if I take too much time and leave her alone to much. I am fine with that.
When I was single, I was never a prolific dater. Before Mrs. DeadGuitarist and I got romantically involved (I was a couple months shy of turning 31), I had 6 relationships with girls/women that I consider romantic. I dated a few other girls a few times: Marjorie (junior year), Kathleen (senior prom), Lisa (movies or football games and Bob's Big Boy afterward during high school), Dona (winter formal during my senior year), a girl I met in college at Mississippi State (Carol... she was part of my group of friends, we went out to dinner once), and Lorelei (I met her working at Mr. Cook, a fast food restaurant right next to the Mississippi State University campus - we went to dinner and a movie, I think). And Crystal, who I met at Spangdahlem AB in Germany. She worked in the dining hall. We went out to lunch one day. I had a big crush on her for a while, but it was all one sided. I think that's all the girls I dated but never turned into anything more than friendship and an occasional date.
I had a crush on Ellie all through junior high school and much of high school. I asked her out twice; once for our junior high graduation day at Six Flags Magic Mountain, and again to the senior prom. She turned me down both times. I had a crush on a girl named Sandra who was in my chemistry class during my first semester at Mississippi State University. I sent her flowers to her at her dorm anonymously; I never mustered up the courage to ask her out on a date, though I think I finally told her I sent her the flowers. I had a crush on Adrienne whom I met working at Winn Dixie in Fayette, Alabama. She new it and I think she like me too, but we never went on a date. I think I asked, but her mom thought I was too old for her (She was 19, I think, I was 23 or 24 at the time). Adrienne and I are still good friends though.
In high school there was Liz. We dated for a couple of months when I was a senior in high school (early 1980). I broke up with her. To this day, I don't know exactly why. Maybe part of it was that there were rumors (untrue) that we were going to get married that scared me off. After all, I was only 17... marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at 17. But most likely, at 17, I was not ready for a committed relationship. We are still good friends to this day though.
In junior college, while working at Six Flags Magic Mountain, I dated Bridget briefly. She broke up with me. Probably because I was leaving to go to Mississippi State University in a couple of months. It was going to end one way or another. Lost touch with her after I went away to Mississippi State University.
While living in Alabama, I dated Jessica. We were engaged to be married, though we never set a date. I wouldn't commit to a date until I finished college and had a "career" job. While she said she didn't cheat on me, she did confess that she "fooled around" behind my back. I'm pretty sure she cheated; she had that reputation. I called it off. She tried to come back to me, but I wouldn't have it. Have no idea where she is, and have no desire to know.
A year or so later, I dated Sherry for a month or so. Even though I really liked her and wanted a long relationship with her, it was doomed from the start. She was supposed to marry my friend Lewis, but he broke up with her. We started dating after that, but it was too soon for her. We are friends on Facebook, along with her sister Janet. I really liked her family, despite the strict rules her parents had (he was a devout Southern Baptist preacher) and applied to me whenever I was visiting their house.
After moving back to Southern California (San Fernando Valley), I started working at a mom and pop video rental store. That's where I met Mrs. DeadGuitarist. I also met Michelle. She was dating someone else. It ended up really hard working with Michelle because I had a huge crush on her. One night we went out for dinner as friends and ended up back at my place. It wasn't really a date. I think she initiated the whole thing. She and her boyfriend were going through some stuff (I don't remember the specifics... he might have gone out with someone else behind her back). She knew I had a crush on her and, apparently, she had one on me too. Anyway, at my place we talked. I told her that because I had had the experience of being cheated on, I would not date her as long as she had a boyfriend. She broke up with her boyfriend a few days later and we started dating. I fell for her hard. I really thought she was the girl I was going to marry, but she broke it off after a month or two. It hurt me really hard. It's really the only time in my life I've ever been depressed for any length of time. Depression that lasted a couple of months. She called me about a year later. We met for lunch one day. I don't remember why she called and wanted to meet up. Nothing came from it. That was the last time I saw or heard from her.
A few months after Michelle broke up with me, I started dating a customer, Shannon. We dated for about a year. I broke up with her the summer before I left for USAF Basic Training. I didn't know where I was going to be stationed and I wasn't ready to marry her... I wasn't sure she was the one I wanted to spend my life with. We reconnected on Facebook a while back.
Ok, sorry for going on about my dating history, but it was necessary because I met Mrs. DeadGuitarist in January 1987 at a mom and pop video store. She knows the exact date (something like January 21). I was 24; she was 18. To hear her tell the story, she didn't want anything to do with me, but I was persistent... I wanted to be friends with her. I don't know why. Maybe it's because she was so different than me and the girls I had dated or was friends with previously: outgoing, punk type appearance... she had short spiky blond hair; she often colored the tips different colors; wore clothes much unlike any other girls I had dated or knew. She was a rebel of sorts. Later I learned she was the black sheep of her family. Something I sort of felt I was in my family. Regardless, she was intriguing and I wanted to be friends with her.
Eventually she warmed up to me and we became friends; my perseverance won her over. If we were on the closing shift at the video store, many times we'd go out for a late meal and conversation. We went to movies together quite often. We went miniature golfing once too. Sometimes she'd come over to my apartment and we'd talk; sometimes I'd play guitar for her while we talked. Did some other stuff too, but I cannot remember everything we did. Sometimes I paid for these outings, sometimes we went dutch. Funny thing is, we never really considered that we were dating, though other people, including her sister and a lot of our coworkers at the video store (including our bosses) thought we were. We were just two friends going out and having fun. But in retrospect, we were dating; we just didn't realize it.
Like I said, I met Michelle a few months later. She had worked at the video store previously, but she left when she went to SDSU for college. When she came back for the summer she started working there again, and continued working there when she came home for weekends or holidays. I was smitten from the first time I saw her: beautiful, smart, funny. I already told you that brief story.
In November that year (1987), Mrs. DeadGuitarist took me to dinner at the 94th Aero Squadron in Van Nuys, California, for my birthday. We got dressed up and had a really nice time. On the way back to her house (I drove), she told me she had feelings for her. I didn't, but I let her down really easy. As I said, I was head over heels (that's a strange expression, if you really think about it) for Michelle. We stayed friends, mainly because I acted as if nothing had happened despite knowing how she felt about me.
We remained friends even while I dated Michelle and later Shannon. We still went out together for late meals, movies and other fun. I think Shannon was jealous of that, but she also knew that it was purely platonic between Mrs. DeadGuitarist and me. I spent Christmas Eve with her and her family at least once. She made me laugh. We had soup or something. She was salting her soup but not paying attention. I asked her if she was going to have some soup with her salt... she had dipped the top of the salt shaker in her soup. Another time I was at her house, she walked right into a wall... she wasn't looking where she was going and BAM! face plant right into the wall. The night we played miniature golf, instead of walking on the path to the next hole, she took a short cut across the grass, down a short hill. The grass was wet and she was wearing boots (like designer boots or cowboy boots with slick soles). Her feet went out from under her and she landed smack on her ass and back. I doubled over laughing. On top of that, because her boots had slick soles and she was on wet grass on a small hill, she couldn't get up. It took me a minute to compose myself and help her up. To this day, she still makes me laugh. She's always made me laugh!
Even though I broke up with Shannon before I joined the USAF, I still had feelings for her. While I was on leave between duty stations (Homestead Air Force Base and Spangdahlem Air Base), I came home for about a month; this was in August/September of 1991.. Disney had given every military member 2 free passes to any Disney amusement park (because of Desert Storm/Desert Shield) as a thank you. I took Shannon one day while I was on leave. I drove from Corona, California to Simi Valley to pick up Shannon, then all the way back to Anaheim. While we were at Disneyland, Shannon was acting like a bitch and really she really pissed me off. I was trying to have some fun and she was complaining and bitching about stuff. I don't remember what it was, but she said that she wanted to go home. I didn't want to... As I said I was trying to have some fun. We were only at Disneyland a couple of hours... I wanted to stay until the park closed, or at least close to it. Finally, I snapped. Told her let's go. I walked off at a brisk pace back to the car. Never looked back to see if she was following. At that point, I didn't care. If she was with me at the car, I'd take her home. If not, I'd have left her. I was that angry. (Side Note: I'm a Scorpio... Scorpios are famous for our anger... but for me, it takes a lot, and I mean a lot, for me to get so angry that I would abandon someone.) To her credit, she kept up. I drove back to her home in Simi Valley. After I left, I stopped at a pay phone and called Mrs. DeadGuitarist to see if she was home. I needed someone to talk to (and vent). She was and said I could come over. So I did. We might have gone out to eat, though we might have just hung out at her house. I don't remember much else of that leave, though I'm sure Mrs. DeadGuitarist got together for more friendly fun.
While I was in Germany, I wrote letters to Mrs. DeadGuitarist occasionally. To be honest, she wasn't the best pen pal. She didn't write back very often. One time she did, I thought she had sprayed a little perfume on her letter. When I wrote her back, I told her I liked her perfume (she actually didn't spray perfume on the letter, but I thought she had HA HA!). Anyway, she received that letter right before a date and I pretty much ruined her date.
She went on a cruise (Ensenada, I think) with her sister, cousin and best friend, Yo (Adrienne). In one of her letters, she sent me a photo of her and Yo from the cruise. She asked me what I thought of Yo. She was trying to hook us up I found out later. I told her Yo was pretty, but that she (Mrs. DeadGuitarist) looked beautiful (she did) in her formal gown (formal dinner night on the cruise).
Occasionally, I'd call her (collect) to talk with her when I was in Germany. I don't think her parents liked that too much, but I don't think they ever told her not to accept the calls.
Then, while I was on temporary assignment in Italy during the summer of 1993, it hit me, I loved her. I called her on her birthday... well it was her birthday in Italy, and told her. I think I ruined another date with that phone call.
My two year overseas tour was ending, but I signed up for a second tour. So, I was given a free flight home and back. I took five weeks of leave (vacation). I spent the first two weeks in Southern California with Mrs. DeadGuitarist. I saved up as much money as I could because I knew I would have to stay in a motel for those two weeks (her parents, rightly so, wouldn't let me stay on a couch at their house), plus all my meals and I also knew I would need money for fun. But I made one purchase before I left. I went to the Base Exchange (BX) and bought a solitaire peridot ring (her birthstone) as an engagement ring. We had discussed getting married on subsequent phone calls. I didn't recognize her when she picked me up at LAX. I walked right past her. The last time I had seen her (summer of 1991) and in the picture I sent her, she still had short, spiky, blonde hair. But since then she let her hair grow long and she colored it bright red. When she called my name and I saw her, my jaw hit the floor. She was even more beautiful than I remembered.
I won't go into all the details of those two weeks. Durning the weekdays, I spent time alone because she had school and work. Sometimes, she'd pick me up after her classes and I'd go with her to work so that I could use her car. At night and on weekends we'd go out to dinner, movies and other fun. She spent the night with me in my motel room at least one night. That was the night we first made love. It was awkward, because we had been platonic friends for, at that time, just under 7 years. After that night, there was one day or night where she really pissed me off. I don't remember what it was, but I was angry enough that I considered leaving Southern California and going to visit my parents in Tampa, Florida earlier than planned without proposing. I'm sure we talked it out and I stayed. Before I proposed, I took her father out to dinner and asked for his blessing to marry his daughter.
On 29 October 1993, I took her to an Anaheim Mighty Ducks hockey game. Now I love hockey. She was not a sports fan at all. But she humored me while I was on leave. I wanted to put my proposal up on the video board. At one point during the game I went to find out how to do that, but I learned they needed a minimum 3 day notice. Foiled! But I didn't let that deter me. It wasn't the most romantic of proposals. During a break in the action, I pulled the ring box out of my pocket handed it to her and asked her to marry me. Even though we had talked about it, she was still completely surprised. And, frankly, I wasn't sure I was going to ask her until I actually did. She said yes! The ring didn't fit; I knew it wouldn't because I didn't know her ring size and didn't want to ask beforehand because I wanted it to be a surprise. I got it sized at March AFB before I flew to Tampa, Florida to spend the last three weeks of my leave with my parents and brother.
After the hockey game we went to a hotel I had gotten for one or two nights. The next day we went to Disneyland. Her sister and Yo came and went with us, something I had planned but Mrs. DeadGuitarist didn't know I had planned. I think they came down Friday night and we met them after the hockey game. I wanted her sister and best friend to be a part of our engagement weekend too. It was so much fun!
A few days later, I flew out to Tampa, Florida and spent the last three weeks of my leave with my parents and brother. She flew out to Tampa for my birthday and, if I remember correctly, stayed for Thanksgiving. After Thanksgiving, she went home and I went back to Germany.
The original plan was that we would get married on 14 February 1995 (I'd always wanted to get married on Valentine's Day). She would stay with her parents after we got married and finish her college degree. I would go back to Germany and finish my tour, which would have ended in September 1995, at which time I'd get her and we'd go to my next duty station, wherever in the US that would be. But the world has a funny way of messing up plans.
On 17 January 1994 at 0430 AM Pacific Standard Time, a 6.7 magnitude earthquake occurred. It's epicenter was the Reseda/Northridge area of the San Fernando Valley. I tried for hours to get in touch with her. She was safe, but her parent's house, where she lived was heavily damaged. She was pinned for a while under a bookcase. That earthquake changed our wedding plans completely.
After that earthquake, she wanted out of California as soon as possible. I agreed to move up the wedding to 14 May 1994. Mrs. DeadGuitarist and her sister did a marvelous job planning the wedding despite no help from me (other than selecting my Best Man - my brother, groomsmen, reserving tuxedos and planning the honeymoon) and difficulty finding a venue due to the earthquake. Our wedding and reception was at the Odyssey, a restaurant in Granada Hills, that reopened just before our wedding. We spent our honeymoon, 3 days, in Big Bear, California.
Like I said before, she makes me laugh, which is one of the things I love most about her. Our honeymoon cabin had a jacuzzi tub. She poured quite a bit of bubble bath into the jacuzzi water and turned on the bubble jets. Obviously, the bubble jets caused the bubble bath to expand and overflow the tub. She was lost within the bubbles! It was a hilarious sight!
We've been married for 22 years. Our 23rd anniversary is 14 May 2017. @thekarmaguy, your ex wanted a fairy tale marriage that doesn't exist. There are Happily Ever Afters, but there are none that you don't have to work for. All marriages require work, give and take, compromise. It's never always 50/50. Sometimes it's 90/10, sometimes it's 10/90. Sometimes it's 50/50. Even my parents, who have been married 56 years, have had their rough patches. Mrs. DeadGuitarist and I have had some rough times, even a time or two when I thought our marriage was going to end in divorce. But we worked things out every time. I know that this marriage won't end until one of us dies.
So @starry, as I commented...
Keep looking for the qualities in a mate you think you want. But don't dismiss someone who doesn't have one, two or any of them at all. You might find that your dream person is nothing like what you expect. When I met Mrs. DeadGuitarist, I never in a million years thought we'd fall in love and get married. She's super intelligent and she makes me laugh. I think making me laugh is what made me fall in love with her. She's kind and generous. She puts up with my faults. She gets my very quirky sense of humor. And, yes, she's beautiful. She may not have the "perfect" body, but she has a beautiful face and gorgeous eyes. But she's nothing like the girls I crushed on or even dated before I met her and even after that. Since we became friends, we've had, and still have, deep, interesting conversations about a variety of subjects. Since we became friends, I could be my goofy, quirky self without worrying about whether or not she'd like me. I was, and am, comfortable around her. I can be me. We are each other's best friends and will be forever.
To be honest, I had self esteem issues. Still do. I never felt I was particularly handsome or good looking. I was socially inept. Not how you think though. I mean that I was unaware... unaware when girls looked at me with interest... unaware that they liked me... unaware that they might have a crush on me... I needed it spelled out for me. I was oblivious. I never noticed girls looking at me or crushing on me.
@starry (and anyone else who is single and longing for a mate), don't look so hard for that special person. I think when you are actively searching for that special person, you end up falling for someone who's nice to you, attentive, but not completely into you... not willing to make sacrifices to be with you; not willing to compromise to make things work out when you hit a rough spot or two. They seem like they are the right one on the surface, but deep down they aren't. That special person will show up at the right time and usually when you least expect it.
In my case, being friends, best friends, for almost 7 years before we became romantically involved, has made our love and marriage infinitely stronger. I don't think our marriage would have lasted if we hadn't first become friends, then later best friends, for years (7) before we became romantically involved and got married. It doesn't always have to be the way it happened for Mrs. DeadGuitarist and me. My dad proposed to my mom a week (I think) after they met. They just knew. It happens like that for some people, though it doesn't always last. But it did for my parents; they've been married for 56 years. But for me and Mrs. DeadGuitarist, it took years of friendship for me to learn how much she meant to me. I'm forever grateful she had the patience to wait, despite the fact that patience is not one of her stronger traits.
A few photos:
ABOVE: Mrs. DeadGuitarist's High School Senior photo (sorry it's a poor quality photo) - this was about six months before we met. When we met she had a similar hairstyle, but blonde. She was 17 in this photo.
ABOVE: One of our wedding photos - 14 May 1994 - She was 25, I was 31.
ABOVE: Mrs. DeadGuitarist at her sister's wedding reception - 22 May 2004 - This was about a year after she had a gastric bypass. At her heaviest just before her gastric bypass, she weighed 310 pounds. She didn't get the gastric bypass for vanity reasons. She got it because at that weight and as a hardcore diabetic, doctors said she wouldn't live past 10 more years. I never cared how much she weighed. This is one of my favorite photos of her.
ABOVE: 4 photos from our Mexican Riviera Cruise in October 2005; We had been married for 11 1/2 years at this point. This was a cruise we wanted to take for our 10th anniversary, but couldn't afford it the year prior. The photo of just her is another of my favorite photos of her. The three photos of us are my favorite from that photo session on formal night on the cruise. She's 37, I was a month shy of turning 43. Love that smile!
ABOVE: She had this edgy, razor cut hairstyle for something like 8 years. This color job is from 14 April 2013. Here she's 44.
ABOVE: She says she doesn't like to take photos, but she takes selfies any time she changes hairstyles and/or colors. This is one of her favorite selfies. Taken 23 November 2013 - She is 45 in this photo.
ABOVE: New hairstyle, asymmetrical bob with multi-layered colors, but predominately red. The red really brings out her beautiful green eyes. 19 June 204 - She's 45 here.
ABOVE: 01 December 2014 photo taken for her Honor Plaque at Suncoast Bowling Center, which she got for bowling a 298. She still has the asymmetrical bob, but the hair color changed to more strawberry blonde. Her sleeve is much different now too. Most everything you see here is now covered up. She's 46 in this photo.
ABOVE:03 August 2015 two weeks shy of her 47th birthday. Same hairstyle, but now it is blonde with some brown.
ABOVE: Her latest selfie, taken 28 December 2016 - she just had her hair done. Back to red with blond highlights. I think this red is the best hair color for her. She's 48.
She has permanent eyeliner and her brows are also enhanced permanently. She rarely wears make up, only on special occasions or sometimes when we go out. She uses argan oil and moisturizer daily. She may have a few fine lines around her eyes (she complains about them sometimes), but they are hardly noticeable unless you're looking for them.
This turned out to be a lot longer blog than I expected. I'm sorry. If you've gotten this far, thank you for sticking with me. @starry, I hope this helps. Don't despair. Be patient, your perfect mate will find you. S/he will love you for not only your beauty, but also your personality, quirks, flaws and intelligence. S/he will not make you choose between him/her and your career and hobbies (SG included). S/he will support you in your career and other endeavors (including SG). S/he might not be what you dream of now, but s/he will be perfect for you, even with his/her flaws and quirks. Love and marriage aren't easy. It takes work. It's not for everyone, but for many it's a most wonderful life even on the bad days.
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Stay Tuned...
DeadGuitarist
Besides Suicide Girls, you can find me on various other social, photography and music sites, as well as career oriented sites:
FACEBOOK | TWITTER | INSTAGRAM | REVERBNATION (ARTIST) | SOUNDCLOUD | FANDALISM | TUMBLR | FLICKR | 500PX | VIEWBUG | GURUSHOTS | WASTED YEARS (MY PERSONAL WEBSITE)| YOUTUBE | LINKEDIN | AMAZON WISHLIST
I'm not super active on all of them, but I add stuff to each of them occasionally that you won't necessarily find on my SG profile page.
