Back to talking about me.
Because I'm self obsessed.
I like me. Too much, me thinks.
I had the most fascinating conversation with my sister's gay friend this past week.
That he's gay is inconsequential, but it will make some of the proceeding language make a little more sense.
My sister had a little get-together last week to celebrate her emancipation from her negative work environment, so I went over, had a few beers, toasted her new direction in life, and talked with a few of her friends.
He got a call from this dude in his life, and he got all stupid and sucky and excited about it. He then stated that he hates the "crush phase." Now, he's 24, and I can't tell you how much I hate it when adults use the term "crush" (much like when a grown woman refers to her "daddy."). It's just so infantile. However, I think I now know exactly why this terminology irritates me so much.
When I told him he was too old to use such a term (he is, of course, not an 11 year old girl, and no, I've never had an opinion I've just kept to myself.), he explained to me exactly why he uses it. His arguments were sound. He said that he's in a phase where just thinking about this guy makes him stupid and giggly, stop eating properly, sleeping properly, and harkens back to a time when he was juvenile and got nervous around new guys.
It then occurred to me that not at one point in my life have I ever been like that. Not once. I've been attracted to girls (of course), I've been around girls where our personalities are sufficiently compatible to enter into a sound, committed relationship (clearly, I'm not a romantic), but I've never once had a "crush" on a woman. I've witnessed many of my friends in exactly this emotional state (usually with failed attempts to cover it up), but have never been anywhere near this state.
So, I entered into yet another round of self-analysis, which is pretty much par for the course in my life. I tried to figure out if I deliberately ignore feelings of a "crush" nature as I find them undignified (coming from a guy who spent much of this early 20s getting too drunk and sleeping on bathroom floors), or if I just don't react to other human beings in such a vulnerable, emotional way.
I've concluded it's the latter. My whole life I've been a self-contained human being, relying on no one else for support in any way, and avoiding any situation that would have me losing control of my emotion (it's a bad idea. When I let myself go, I'm kind of an asshole (and the "kind of" is a great big lie). There's actually a reason I do this, but it's an entirely different subject). I think this act has become so innate, that I no longer have the ability (if I ever had it) to lose myself in another person.
I think I'm a bit jealous of people who have this ability.
Perhaps my tendency to analyze and assess is holding me back in life.
Or perhaps I'm just a horribly emotionless robotic monster.
Huh.
A'yuh,
J.R.
P.S. I apparently have a thing for belts.
For the record, the fuzzy leopard print studded one is my favourite.
P.P.S. This is the view from my balcony
I like it, because I can pretend I have a back yard. That's Yonge St. in the background, for locals who are curious. This area is often full of people barbequing, having a beer and a good time.
It's nice. But being naked in my place can be tricky if I don't feel like closing the blinds.
Oh, for the record, this garden sits on top of the ground floor, so no one from Yonge St. can mosey in.
P.P.P.S.
Y'know how not everyone can do this?
Because I'm self obsessed.
I like me. Too much, me thinks.
I had the most fascinating conversation with my sister's gay friend this past week.
That he's gay is inconsequential, but it will make some of the proceeding language make a little more sense.
My sister had a little get-together last week to celebrate her emancipation from her negative work environment, so I went over, had a few beers, toasted her new direction in life, and talked with a few of her friends.
He got a call from this dude in his life, and he got all stupid and sucky and excited about it. He then stated that he hates the "crush phase." Now, he's 24, and I can't tell you how much I hate it when adults use the term "crush" (much like when a grown woman refers to her "daddy."). It's just so infantile. However, I think I now know exactly why this terminology irritates me so much.
When I told him he was too old to use such a term (he is, of course, not an 11 year old girl, and no, I've never had an opinion I've just kept to myself.), he explained to me exactly why he uses it. His arguments were sound. He said that he's in a phase where just thinking about this guy makes him stupid and giggly, stop eating properly, sleeping properly, and harkens back to a time when he was juvenile and got nervous around new guys.
It then occurred to me that not at one point in my life have I ever been like that. Not once. I've been attracted to girls (of course), I've been around girls where our personalities are sufficiently compatible to enter into a sound, committed relationship (clearly, I'm not a romantic), but I've never once had a "crush" on a woman. I've witnessed many of my friends in exactly this emotional state (usually with failed attempts to cover it up), but have never been anywhere near this state.
So, I entered into yet another round of self-analysis, which is pretty much par for the course in my life. I tried to figure out if I deliberately ignore feelings of a "crush" nature as I find them undignified (coming from a guy who spent much of this early 20s getting too drunk and sleeping on bathroom floors), or if I just don't react to other human beings in such a vulnerable, emotional way.
I've concluded it's the latter. My whole life I've been a self-contained human being, relying on no one else for support in any way, and avoiding any situation that would have me losing control of my emotion (it's a bad idea. When I let myself go, I'm kind of an asshole (and the "kind of" is a great big lie). There's actually a reason I do this, but it's an entirely different subject). I think this act has become so innate, that I no longer have the ability (if I ever had it) to lose myself in another person.
I think I'm a bit jealous of people who have this ability.
Perhaps my tendency to analyze and assess is holding me back in life.
Or perhaps I'm just a horribly emotionless robotic monster.
Huh.
A'yuh,
J.R.
P.S. I apparently have a thing for belts.
For the record, the fuzzy leopard print studded one is my favourite.
P.P.S. This is the view from my balcony
I like it, because I can pretend I have a back yard. That's Yonge St. in the background, for locals who are curious. This area is often full of people barbequing, having a beer and a good time.
It's nice. But being naked in my place can be tricky if I don't feel like closing the blinds.
Oh, for the record, this garden sits on top of the ground floor, so no one from Yonge St. can mosey in.
P.P.P.S.
Y'know how not everyone can do this?
Well, can everyone who can do that do this?
Yes, I have a whole ton of useless shit rattling around in my head.
P.P.P.P.S. Dude, fuck Paxil. I'm done with that shit. Well, I will be a few months from now when I've tapered off and stopping it doesn't run the risk of killing me or causing permanent heart damage.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
i know energy drinks are bad.. you obviously did not notice the extreme sarcasm in that blog. fruits and vegetables are awesome and all, but they dont give me those shakes that i yearn from energy drinks.
the truth is, i have nothing else to talk about.
also, my lab consisted of other parts, that was just the first that came to mind.
i dont attack everything you say, i dont see why you have to do it to me goddammit.
ps. we could have a belt competition