I'm telling you right now, when I'm in the bathroom I don't want to talk. I'm only in that room for a very specific reason and it doesn't involve chit chat.
Not to say that I want to abolish all bathroom conversation period. There are different levels of bathroom conversations, that follow a logical progression.
Level 1, is when you both go into the bathroom together and are using separate urinals. That situtation is most condusive to talk, as the levels increase the conversation goes down.
Level 2, is when you're already in there and the other person comes in aftwerward.
Levels 3 and 4 are the same as 1 and 2, respective, except that you don't know the other person.
Levels 5,6,7, and 8, are the same as the first four except that instead of both being at the urinal--one of you is in the stall the other at the urinal.
Levels 9,10,11, and 12, are the same as the first four except you're both in stalls.
Levels 13,14,15, and 16 are the same as the first four except you're at the dreaded trough-style urinal things.
Levels 16-20 would depend on some trough-style urinal thing except you don't do number one in this dealie--gross!
Anyway, I guess some people are on a lot higher levels than me. I like level 1, I'll stay at 1. I don't need to start a conversation in the middle of taking a piss, it can wait, especially if I'm doing something else.
The worst are strangers who start talking. Who the fuck are these crazy people? You ever gone in the bathroom and had someone say, "Hey" or something? I can handle those guys because there's like one or less a year of those guys. Even rarer are those guys who will look over from their urinal and say something--conversation starters. C'mon, I'm busy over here.
I had the weirdest bathroom conversational happenstance happen to me this week. I was at work, at a bathroom like on the 5th floor or something--not my home base. So, I go in. I assess the situation, there's a guy at the sink washing his hands. The stalls are all empty and there's nobody at the urinals.
Alright, it's just me and this guy and he's about to leave--I'll take it.
So I go into the furthest away stall, and lock the stall. As I'm conducting business with my porcelin associate there's a long pause and that guy still hasn't left. He goes, "Hello." And I'm freaking out, the bathroom door hadn't open or closed so I was pretty sure there was nobody else but me in there. I thought, ok, maybe there was a Ninja or something taking a piss and I missed him, so I wait to see if someone else responds--nothing.
Eventually, I say, "Hey."
Ok, so I thought, this guy's gonna leave now. He was going to say hello the whole time, he hesitated at first and it was a late hello. But, there's another puase, and he still hasn't left. This guy wanted to have a little chat.
Then he goes, "How about the weather today?"
I say, "It's pretty shitty."
True story.
Not to say that I want to abolish all bathroom conversation period. There are different levels of bathroom conversations, that follow a logical progression.
Level 1, is when you both go into the bathroom together and are using separate urinals. That situtation is most condusive to talk, as the levels increase the conversation goes down.
Level 2, is when you're already in there and the other person comes in aftwerward.
Levels 3 and 4 are the same as 1 and 2, respective, except that you don't know the other person.
Levels 5,6,7, and 8, are the same as the first four except that instead of both being at the urinal--one of you is in the stall the other at the urinal.
Levels 9,10,11, and 12, are the same as the first four except you're both in stalls.
Levels 13,14,15, and 16 are the same as the first four except you're at the dreaded trough-style urinal things.
Levels 16-20 would depend on some trough-style urinal thing except you don't do number one in this dealie--gross!
Anyway, I guess some people are on a lot higher levels than me. I like level 1, I'll stay at 1. I don't need to start a conversation in the middle of taking a piss, it can wait, especially if I'm doing something else.
The worst are strangers who start talking. Who the fuck are these crazy people? You ever gone in the bathroom and had someone say, "Hey" or something? I can handle those guys because there's like one or less a year of those guys. Even rarer are those guys who will look over from their urinal and say something--conversation starters. C'mon, I'm busy over here.
I had the weirdest bathroom conversational happenstance happen to me this week. I was at work, at a bathroom like on the 5th floor or something--not my home base. So, I go in. I assess the situation, there's a guy at the sink washing his hands. The stalls are all empty and there's nobody at the urinals.
Alright, it's just me and this guy and he's about to leave--I'll take it.
So I go into the furthest away stall, and lock the stall. As I'm conducting business with my porcelin associate there's a long pause and that guy still hasn't left. He goes, "Hello." And I'm freaking out, the bathroom door hadn't open or closed so I was pretty sure there was nobody else but me in there. I thought, ok, maybe there was a Ninja or something taking a piss and I missed him, so I wait to see if someone else responds--nothing.
Eventually, I say, "Hey."
Ok, so I thought, this guy's gonna leave now. He was going to say hello the whole time, he hesitated at first and it was a late hello. But, there's another puase, and he still hasn't left. This guy wanted to have a little chat.
Then he goes, "How about the weather today?"
I say, "It's pretty shitty."
True story.
Bathroom Etiquite (spell check?) is always really funny to me. Especially for men and that whole "If there are three urinals and there is a guy already using the first one, you are to use the one furthest away from him"...
I dont mind chit chatting if I'm just peeing...but I need total solitude if I'm doing anything else.
I just think of it in the same way about meeting your GF. Hey, how'd you meet your best friend? Well I was taking a monster piss and this guy started talking about the Red Sox, and I was all, "Man, this guy is my best friend ever."
You know, I probably could meet a really good friend that way, I just don't like how it started. If it was a GF I would very surprised--you know, not living in the Ally McBeal universe and all....