dc1984us

I don't know why but I've been real depressed lately....It's weird. I sit in my room with the lights off and think bad thoughts....Not so much about other people but about myself. Like why my friend backstab me or why my friends who I think are my friends are the people talking about me. The only thing that really gets me through all this shit is music. Usually I have a loud (metal) cd around the room somewhere but it's the only thing that calms me down. I get violent....i.e. I smashed a bottle of wine against my wall last night without a second thought of what the consequences might be. Tonight it took fucking Slipknot - Wait and Bleed to get me thinking straight which is way fucking louder than usual....I don't know what my problem is but I think I really do need some help. Not shrink type help but just somewhere I can rely on and say is a true friend. If this is too personal I'm sorry. This is my way to vent my anger....that's why I joined. I've never had thoughts of suicide before.....they are not serious now but they cross my mind when I get real depressed, which is very unusual. I know the only person who will respond to this is Mnislahi, maybe Kokeshi but she is away, but anyone who has experienced this before and who has any words of advice will be thought of highly in my book. Take care everyone. Hope to get some response that will help my fucked up mind out.