davego

Camping Blog

Well, we went camping for the 1st time, my wife, 9 year old son and I.

I'm happy to report that there was no forced sex with inbred hillbilly psychos, no hatchet attacks from masked killers who can magically shuffle through the woods faster than teenagers can sprint, no mutated, pissed off wildlife, and no anal probing alien life forms.

and do you know why ?

Because you'd actually have to have a quiet remote location for something like that.

When my wife and her friend tried to book a campsite, pickings were slim. These things get booked 6 months in advance - so what you get is pretty bottom of the barrel.
But what the hell, its just a weekend away in the woods under a starry sky.

Not really. We drove for about a buck-15 out of the city - not too long a commute - thats a bonus.
But when we got there - there was a HUGE lineup of people waiting to get in. It looked and moved like the lines at the DMV. When my wife finally got to the window an hour after we got in line we were told that despite it being a 2 car parking spot - they were charging is $12 a night for the second car.
Scammed by summer students working for the government - amazing.

We finally find our camp site. its fairly small .. and all dirt. no grass. At least its not raining .. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
So we set up camp. This goes pretty well despite the fact that our tent is straight out of the box.
I figured it out fast and it was up in no time - without the help of our camping pro friends.
Then the mattresses get blown up, out comes the food, drinks, and firewood.

Thats when we noticed the traffic. I live in a suburb of the largest city in canada.
We went camping for that feeling of 'getting away from it all'
So far we suffered a huge line-up, got swindled for $$$, and now were subject to the same amount of drive by traffic you'd get downtown, friday night at 5:00pm. Un-fucking-believable.

Kids crying, screaming, running/biking back and forth. Dogs barking, parents yelling at their screaming kids.
I couldn't believe it. I was experiencing waves of emotion. Disbelief, then it was funny, then it was annoying, then i was drinking. (pre-made bottled Motts Spicy Bloody Caesars, not that any of you 'mercuns would know anything about those)

We BBQed some hamburgers (vegiburgers for me of course) had some potato salad, and commenced to burning everything we could lay our hands on in the bonfire. I took pictures ... the kids played in the playground next door with the other 'neighbourhood kids'
Eventually went to bed and had a sleepless night rolling around on an air mattress. (my knee and foot were bothering me .. plus i need something harder to sleep on. Turns out that the mattress needed more air)

Next day i was up earlier than anyone ..cold and damp - my buddy and i threw a football around to warm up.
Once everyone was up i had a couple of pieces of bread while the uber-campers made a giant breakfast.

I'll interject here to say : i dont get the - we're away camping/vacationing/whatever so we're going to eat like pigs. Cooking on a coleman stove is still cooking .. its not like we're roughing it.. but there seems to be some kind of pride hobby campers have for being able to produce massive amounts of food on small portable gas stoves) Its not my thing. I'd rather relax, hike, swim, ... but instead all we ended up doing is stitting around eating and drinking.

In the afternoon i taught a little volleyball skill to my buddy and the 2 kids which was fun.. then we went to the beach. I found a game of beach volleyball there and was invited to play .. the ball was pretty good and I quickly became my teams goldon guy when i roofed the big guy on the other team 3 times in a row.
Not bad for a 49 year old with a fucked up foot. (i broke or sprained something Thursday night playing ... my foot is swollen and purple)

Spent the rest of the day at the beach then headed back for dinner. We stopped at the closest store for wood and ice. It was run by Koreans which i thought was hilarious. Way out in the middle of nowhere.
They had a huge rack of porn in the back. magazines and VHS tapes. For those of you that go camping alone.

So - another big bonfire, more vegiburgers, caesars, insane back and forth traffic (we were on the route to the bathroom and showers .. apparently most people there had the runs or just liked the walk back and forth - i dunno.) and eventually bed - where i slept about 20 min more than the 30 min i got the night before.

The next morning was excellent however ... just as people were stirring, it began to rain.
At first it was a little - oh this is cool - its not too bad and it sounds nice on the tent.
then it became a problem. My buddy assured me that it would be sunny in an hour (it rained non stop the entire day) We decided to pack up early since we would obviously not be staying at the beach all day ..
The main part of out tent was great - dry. the front part which is an attachment - was under 2" of water.
Got a good soaker inside the tent while packing the car. not outside the tent - inside the tent.

So everything is soaked now and muddy - remember the dirt ? - meaning we have to set the whole thing up at home to dry it off so everything doesnt get mouldy and ruined. At this point i begin to consider the concept of the use once then throw out tent.

So - we stop at a diner for breakfast on the way home, get back into town, dump the contents of the car into the house - and i watch Mork and Mindy season 1 with my kid while my wife - exhausted from watching me pack and drive - has a 5 hour nap.

and now .. tahhh dahhh

back at work.

I'm not sayin' i wont go camping again .. (my kid loved it and i'm all for giving him the opportunities to do cool things he enjoys) ... but ...it might be a while ....