When the Cat's Away, the Blog Will Play :

thats right, my wife and son have left - for a week .... and daddy's ready to party.
allow me to share with you - the mad dealings of a middle aged wildman foolishly left on his own for an entire week.. just dont tell my wife - it could end up in a messy divorce.

Every year for the first week after school ends they head out to quebec (where my wife's family is from) leaving me in the house all by myself. A recipe for disaster.
And now - for the first time ever - i'm gonna share with you folks just what i get up to....

hold onto your socks.

So they left last friday - we all left together - them for quebec, me for work.
i wasnt at work 2 hours before i ...... WENT TO THE COMPANY SUMMER PICNIC !!

ohhh yeah ... this is where i started to play.
no really .. i played. i played volleyball on the grass all day ...
ok - not so crazy - but when i got home that after noon ..... i got on the phone and called her ...
oh yeah.... she'd been waiting for me to be home . alone .. all day... so without wasting another second i called her number which of course i know by heart .....

and i ordered a pizza. ....

i cant eat cheese so i get a cheeseless pizza with pepperoni, green olives, pineapple - and anchovies.
most people hate anchovies but i love them - so i got the ENTIRE pizza covered in anchovies all for myself.
sounds desperate and greedy doesnt it ? well thats me baby, all the way.

after eating half of that pizza, i went to the bedroom, changed into something more comfortable, turned on the 32" LCD with full surround, lay on the bed with the overhead fan on to keep me cool .. and i did something i cant do when the family is around. mmmmmmm oh yeahhhhhhh

i watched a couple of horror movies.

then i went to bed, woke up - ate pizza for breakfast - who was gonna stop me ??!!! bwaaahahahahahaha

and then - being the 'batch' i was ... i sat in the house unwashed, unshaven, and watched horror movies all day long. oh yeah... married suckers, eat your hearts out.

Saturday night i thought i should come up for air .. single men cannot live on violence alone .. i needed sex ..
so i got cleaned up .. packed my camera gear ... and went to an arena downtown to watch the beautiful Trixxx and her gang of gorgeous rollergirl friends win their derby. I shot a bunch of pics from the floor, almost got run over once - it was great. had my wife and kid been there - we would have been in the stands - but being captain single - i got to be on the floor !! awesome !!

after, Trixxx said they usually have a beer in the canteen and gave me this knowing look ... i get it .. she's out of town, my family is out of town ... i knew what she really meant - so i went to the canteen ... and ordered .. a DIET COKE !!!! but they werent selling softdrinks so i had A BEER !!!!!
And just like i was hoping for after ogling those gorgeous girls with the beautiful asses and long legs for the last two hours .. i did what was tearing at my loins to do ...

I drank my beer, said hi to trixxx, shook her hand, and went home.
dont tell me i'm not mad, bad, and dangerous to know - you guys know the truth now .. i'm fucking out of controll !!!

the night just started there of course .. now that i was completely out on the edge - when i got home ... well, you know what i did by now. I stayed up late and watched horror movies !!!

Most people would probably quit at this point .. hedge their bets, pray that they didnt get caught - cover their tracks. not me. It was sunday - my batch week was just gearing up.

On Sunday - i watched HORROR MOVIES all day .. and all night !!!!
(oh, and i sorted through the roller derby pics and tried to find some good ones - sadly - i suck)
I also ordered CHINESE FOOD !!

Now monday is here ... and things just get crazier. 2 hours after i woke up i found myself lying down - gazing at the ceiling, while a beautiful woman played with my balls. I'm sorry for those of you who are a little more squeamish, sheltered, or those of you who expected more of me ... but its true. first she held one ball, then the other ..in her long gentle slender fingers ...

then she said i could get up and go. an excellent check-up - my blood pressure is perfect, and all i have to do now is to get some bloodwork done in the lab. see you next year !

i left with a self satisfied smirk. i felt like lighting up a smoke. (but i dont smoke so i didnt)

instead - i took the rest of the day off.. went home .. and WATCHED HORROR MOVIES until i went to bed.

Tuesday i went to work ....couldnt avoid it ...but on the way home ... i took a detour. i didnt have to go straight home after work .. there wouldnt be anyone there .. so yeah, i'm a dog. i did the one thing my wife hates more than all others ... the biggest breach of trust there is in a relationship. I stopped at blockbusters and bought a bunch of used DVDs... ohhhhh its been so long .. it felt soooooo goood.
and after that i bought THAI FOOD !! thats right - i havent cooked once - not one single time .... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA

I ate some of my THAI food (i'll eat the rest for lunch today) and then .... against all of my better judgement ....
I WATCHED ANOTHER HORROR MOVIE !!!! and went to bed.

So here it is .. Wednesday .. stilla couple of days left for my wanton ways ...and i have plans baby, do i have plans. and what the hell, we're all basically strangers .. i mean what are you gonna do - tell my wife - you dont even know her .... so i can tell you what my evil plans are and there's nothing you can do about it ...

tonight ... after work.... i'm going to PLAY VOLLEYBALL ....
ok that doesnt sound so bad.. but after i get home .. i'm gonna WATCH A HORROR MOVIE !!!!

things will get a little ....naughty... thursday because i have the day off - its a national holiday
i know for a fact - and none of you can stop me ... that i'll be WATCHING HORROR MOVIES all day !!!!
at night - it gets better. There is an outdoor event .. the whole town shows up ... it'll be nice so there will be a lot of flesh showing - so naturally ... i'll have the camera ... and i'll shoot.. oh yeah i'll shoot
Because the old band i grew up with - April Wine is playing - so i'm gonna shoot them.
then i'll go home and WATCH A HORROR MOVIE.

then i'll go to bed, wake up, go to work...

and when i get home they'll be back..

no more bad behavior. no more mice playing.
no more ladies-man-on-the-town.

no more horror movies


please - dont think ill of me .. i'm just a man.