the horrible noise of silence at 356am:
i just awoke from a bizarre dream/nightmare...
it started out kind of normal, actually very pleasent. it was certainly a celebration of a kind with all my loved ones, all my friends, all the people i wish meet, all my heros and all those i admire were attending. celebrating to nothing in particular and i enjoyed it thouroughly.
i realized to myself in the dream, it was perhaps one of the most wonderful feelings ever. but just as i was enjoying the multiple conversations with everyone at this party, i realize i was alone in a room and everyone in other rooms stoped speaking. curious as to why this was happening, i entered te room next to the one i was in and noticed everyone in the dream was in this room, with their eyes fixed on a cabinet, or perhaps something like that. I then saw the cabinet doors open.
I was viewing all this from the side and was puzzled and as i approached the cabinet, everyone in the room screemed.
to say i was startled was an understatement. from seeing eveyone i could think of standing quiet (even if in my dream) and then all the sudden making the loudest noise possible, it scared me shitless. What frightened me even more was when i looked at the cabinet, because that is what made them screem.
The cabinet now held a burning something inside that spoke. it spoke of hatred and of separation. and with that, it was causing people to dissapear. it then fixed its gaze on me. he shrieked at me calling out my name. I was angry because that burning cabinet caused what people were left in the room to cry. but along with the anger i was still scared. but i fought it off enough to be brave and ask why it was doing this. why was it taking people away.
The burning cabinet just shrieked more and said, "because you don't deserve this."
at that point i had enough and knew i had the control and i could make him shut up. i ran to the cabinet and closed it. and opened it again. inside there was nothing more than some old towels stacked neatly how i remembered them in my grandmothers hosue from years ago.
but the words seemed to echo in my head and i looked back at the people left who were huddling with each other and some reassuring voices saying its ok. but i wasnt.
perhaps i didnt deserve this, i told myself. and that is what made me panic. i dropped to the floor and started to feel horrible...
and that is when i woke up...
the nightmare wasn't the fact that there was a burning cabinet, but the fact that perhaps part of me feels that i don't deserve to be happier than i think i should be is what disturbs me the most...
i just awoke from a bizarre dream/nightmare...
it started out kind of normal, actually very pleasent. it was certainly a celebration of a kind with all my loved ones, all my friends, all the people i wish meet, all my heros and all those i admire were attending. celebrating to nothing in particular and i enjoyed it thouroughly.
i realized to myself in the dream, it was perhaps one of the most wonderful feelings ever. but just as i was enjoying the multiple conversations with everyone at this party, i realize i was alone in a room and everyone in other rooms stoped speaking. curious as to why this was happening, i entered te room next to the one i was in and noticed everyone in the dream was in this room, with their eyes fixed on a cabinet, or perhaps something like that. I then saw the cabinet doors open.
I was viewing all this from the side and was puzzled and as i approached the cabinet, everyone in the room screemed.
to say i was startled was an understatement. from seeing eveyone i could think of standing quiet (even if in my dream) and then all the sudden making the loudest noise possible, it scared me shitless. What frightened me even more was when i looked at the cabinet, because that is what made them screem.
The cabinet now held a burning something inside that spoke. it spoke of hatred and of separation. and with that, it was causing people to dissapear. it then fixed its gaze on me. he shrieked at me calling out my name. I was angry because that burning cabinet caused what people were left in the room to cry. but along with the anger i was still scared. but i fought it off enough to be brave and ask why it was doing this. why was it taking people away.
The burning cabinet just shrieked more and said, "because you don't deserve this."
at that point i had enough and knew i had the control and i could make him shut up. i ran to the cabinet and closed it. and opened it again. inside there was nothing more than some old towels stacked neatly how i remembered them in my grandmothers hosue from years ago.
but the words seemed to echo in my head and i looked back at the people left who were huddling with each other and some reassuring voices saying its ok. but i wasnt.
perhaps i didnt deserve this, i told myself. and that is what made me panic. i dropped to the floor and started to feel horrible...
and that is when i woke up...
the nightmare wasn't the fact that there was a burning cabinet, but the fact that perhaps part of me feels that i don't deserve to be happier than i think i should be is what disturbs me the most...
Dreams are important.... It's good you remember them.
Thanks for the nice words about the artwork. I'm glad you liked it!
[Edited on Dec 17, 2004 11:15AM]