dave42

i was wondering around downtown the other night. i thought of our first date. i didn't know we were on a date. i thought we were just hanging out. we had been friends for awhile. you said you could never date me while i was still drinking. it (my drinking) terrified you, and i could not be around your kid. but i had not drunk in over a year. i found things to replace the alcohol. things i could hide from you. later on in the relationship you asked me why i didn't kiss you that night. i admitted that i didn't know it was a date. you told me you were not going to make the first move.

i spent so much time scared of you. i couldn'teven talk to you the first month we worked together.

so i walked around and thought of you. past UNOS where we ate diner. past THE FLYING SAUCER where you drank half a beer and we sat listening to some shitty cover band.

and then i thought of our last conversation. i thought alot anout our lasts.

i saw you at the old 97s show. you hardly resembled the woman i fell for. the only woman i loved for three years. the woman i kept secrets from. the woman i eventually got tired of. the woman i left.

you were fucked up and disapointed i was not. you looked meth skinny, sick. you were smoking. you didn't throw yourself into like you use to. you had no words of encouragment. you said nothing positive. never said you were proud of me.

it wasn't so long ago our roles were reversed.

and i can't help wishing...