dave42

140 days clean!


i am a total butt nerd!
ok, so the picture thing is not wqorking for me right now.
all this tech stuff is new to me. i don't even have a computer. i use to use the one at my old job. now i have to use a friends. which makes me think of things that kick ass:

- my dope ass...
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138 days clean.

things the kick ass:
pulling off the highway with no music on
new centro-matic songs
not thinking with my dick but my cold black heart
lists
having money again
going to the titty bar alone and talking with the girls
my new tatoo
being on the computer at 5:25 am while my friends are passed out drunk
girls
gay dudes
the fucking...
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"file your complaint with this rookie officer, he'll lend you a smile, he'll lend you his deafest ear..." centro-matic

113 clean

after alot of deliberation and talking withmy sponsor i have decided to start bartending again. the cd store closed down this week. we got about 10 days notice. real nice. so i need a job and i need to pay the bills. it's going...
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maybe it's the weather...

jack kerouac:

"...Ah, life is a gate, a way, a path to Paradise anyway, why not live for fun and joy and love or some sort of girl by a fireside, why not go to your desire and LAUGH..."
- Big Sur

"My witness is the empty sky."


neal cassidy


The Embryo you know
goes thru the Fish Stage
but we...
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"i can't make you love me and you can't make me stay."

that has nothing to do with anything, i just like it. nobody wants me to stay. but i guess there are a few i wish would love me...

101 days clean.

sobriety 101

bitterness,anger,anxiety. i am not a horrible person. really. i have lots of love. but sometimes the first thought to pop...
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ok. i'm more than likely not "getting any" this valentines. i could be a hater and make a list of awesome "break up" and "fuck you" songs but i'm full of love. so i was thinking of an imaginary mix for my imaginary date. it goes something like this:

will johnson: just to know you've been smiling
curtis mayfield: the makings of you
rolling stones:...
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all i can think of is getting fucked up. i'm craving drugs i haven't done in years. i want to swallow, chew, shot, snort, huff. i want booze, pills, crack, heroin. i want to get high. i want to get low. i want to lose the ability to walk. the ability to talk. the ability to think. the ability to function. i want some x...
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so friday night i get off of work. my na friend and i head up to the group. we are listening to the last 20 minutes of lone star dead (a local station that plays 2 hoours of grateful dead every friday night from 8-10pm). and the first song that comes on after the commercials is "terrapin station". this is one of my favorite songs....
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81 days clean today!

i need to get out of texas. i'm meeting all these girls from california. i haven't lived on the west coast yet. i think that will be my next move.

i need to get laid!

i need something. i know only boring people get bored but fuck...



it's no wonder so many people become sex addicts after quitting drugs.



fuck!

last night:

we found what we think may be a "bug" on a chair in our NA group. we might just be paranoid, i don't know.

i went to Billy Bobs Texas "The Worlds Largest Honky Tonk". good times. lots of hot cowgirls in super tight jeans, getting drunk. i went with my sponsor and a good friend from na. my sponsor likes to go...
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i was wondering around downtown the other night. i thought of our first date. i didn't know we were on a date. i thought we were just hanging out. we had been friends for awhile. you said you could never date me while i was still drinking. it (my drinking) terrified you, and i could not be around your kid. but i had not drunk...
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60 days clean.
nice!