I find myself at a crossroads where I am torn between being compelled to start true to my nature and being compelled to safeguard myself from people who only appreciate me when I'm convenient in their lives. I like to think I'm a nice guy. I don't go out of my way to hurt people and when I do by accident I'm extremely remorseful. I pay compliments to people and do things for them because I like making them smile and feel appreciated and accepted.
That being said, I tend to not know the limits of my generosity. For some I come off as being TOO forecoming. I don't mean to seem overbearing or like I'm coming on too strong. It's not intentional because for me doing things for others doesn't fall on a scale of small things to big things. They're all just things. The level of affection is the same regardless of the action in my eyes. It doesn't matter if I help you move or loan you $200. Neither one of those things carried lesser or greater meaning to me. They're equal.
I find it amusing when people don't speak up for themselves and hold in the fact that they're uncomfortable with the things I do for them. I'm an open book and I'm extremely understanding. If I make you unformtable or if what I do is too much for you, tell me. I'll gladly respect your wishes and back off because that isn't what I'm going for. But, to hold that shit in and then let it build up until it causes an issue and then to blame me for your lack of communication or to make me feel like I'm doing things for nepharious reasons is a load of bullshit. If I wanted something I'd ask. If I just wanted in your pants I'd not be taking this kind of approach.
In closing, I guess I'm just done trying to balance myself around other people who aren't willing to consider my feelings in the end. I don't need to lose friendships and have people tell me they need time away from me simply because they aren't mature enough to talk to me as an adult and explain how they feel. It's not that difficult, folks.
