Saturday Jan 05, 2008

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The last two weeks of '07 and first week of '08 were interesting to say the least. I won't go in to details but the events, the last three weeks had me reevaluting my life quite a bit. I had to take a close look at myself, those close to me, my wants and needs, and goals. It was a little emotionally disparing but in the end I came to one conclusion;

I'm going to make 2008 my year!

When I looked at everything collectively I realized I life, for the most part, is pretty damn good at the
moment. My job really sucks lately but hey, it's pays ok and I'm out of the financial rut I've been in
since I left the job that was giving me an ulcer. My relationship with my family is closer and more positivethan it has ever been. (Well, with the exception of the Born Again Christians who seem think that I'm The Devil and going to go all Trench Coat Mafia at any moment. But they're in the minority, the rest of my extended family has all rallied in my defence, even the other Christians.) My friends, though some areannoying drunks, are supportive. And I've hit a creative streak that has totally blown my writers block to bits. I'm bordering on creative overload!

But there has to be some changes soon.

Work/Career

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I have to remember that my job is just a means to an end. Though I spend so much time there, not to mention in commute, it seems to eat away at all my time. I have started several writing projects which wouldn't be a problem if I didn't spend so much time with work. I definately need to better manage my free time and dedicate more of it to writing projects.

Also, a friend has asked me too come out of retirement. He's an aspiring Hip-Hop producer and want me to start rapping again. (What? A black male who grew up in the 80's used to "rap"? Surely you jest) I've contemplated doing it for a while and now feel like I have something to say, which is more than most rappers making money can say. I think it would be fun and theraputic to get back into it, but not trying to "make it" as a M.C.



Friends and Family

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I need to be more open with many of them. Verbal communication may not be what's best, I tend to chicken out and back down when I see what I am saying is hurting them in some way. So I never get out what I truly need to say. I guess I can do it the cowardly way and write letters but at least I can get it out, uninterrupted. I have a little worry about how they will take it, but come whatever may. It has to be done.



Interpersonal Relationships

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This, by far, is the roughest one for me. This is the one that really breaks my heart, a lot.

The thing I have always wanted, more than anything, is to have a family of my own. Wife, 3.5 kids, a house, a Sybiran Husky and a cat. Well, I turn 35 this year and I only have the cat (though I do love that little emo creature). Nearly every relationship decision I have ever made has been with this goal in mind. I treated dating and relationships as auditions for the big thing. I don't regret this one bit. But having issues with depression and low self esteem (before I realized I had these issues) sabatoged some good oppertunities early on, as in not actively pursuing some people I didn't feel good enough for. This Sucks! I hate thinking how I was (can be, but no where near as bad). But, I guess I wasn't really ready for the kind of relationship I wanted. So, in a way, I guess it's ok. Plus I'm a lot more confident and like the being a black male who reads tarot cards, listens to various kinds of music (I own every Nas, Sara McLachlin and Lamb of God CD) weirdo who
broods sometimes. I think I'm pretty cool, actually!

I decided to just relax and enjoy life for while. Take away some of the pressure of dating and just have fun. Let whatever happens happen. I know at my age, if I want to be married and parent, I should try a bit harder now. But I'm tired. I'm putting pressure on my life now in other places now. In regards to interpersonal relationship, I have to quote Corey Taylor again, come whatever may.



2008 pomises a lot. I going to relax and enjoy the ride as much as possible. biggrin

VIEW 11 of 11 COMMENTS
tntkatie:
yeah, i hear ya. i sort of feel like i'm bracing for something bad to happen.

and thank you on both accounts. blush i'm trying.

making '08 your year does not sounds like a bad idea. good luck!
brightredscream:
Great minds think alike wink

What would you choose for theme music?

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