So I had this really long tyraid that i was going to write while i was exercising my drinking ability, and my ability to hold massive amounts of alcohol. But I thought it was better that I calm down and make this rant make a little more sense. Right now I'm listing to High Fidelity because it's playing in the backgroud. But the reason i'm posting today is not because I have a bunch of awesome cruxshadows pictures, or because I have good news. Rather it's because I'm leaving germany very abruptly, "short notice" as the military would call it. While most of you would say "it's a good thing that you are getting out" I would agree with you all 100%. But that is not what's pissing me off, nor stressing me out. It's the fact that I have to pack up my entire life, or the past 4 years of it anyway and get ready to go back to chicago to be with my parents. That for one is not a very pleasant expericence, for the fact that above all things I left to be on my own because of the people my parents were and the person i was becomming. #2 all the friends that I made for the 2 years that i have been here i now have just 3 days to say good bye to them. and then the next three days i spend running around this god forsaken base and then off to frankfurt and finally touch down in chicago.
Well that's the reason for my inebriation. Now for the speech that i thought I wasn't going to say. Now that I no longer have to worry about watching my words or scanning my thoughts in case some one may stumble on to my secert little hiding place on the net where i can picutre my self the person i really want to be. Anyway this military, or rather the air force that prides it self on family and taking care of one another has done little of the sort. I have known and experienced many things that happened that would cause a regular company to cringe. The lack of compassion for "the individual" who would like to contribute his own style and talents to the team rather than become a faceless member of the team. It has shown me that some people just truely have no heart or compassion for others. They are just more faceless humans that I pass on the streets and therefore should be treated as such right? I mean if they don't care too much for me, or other people for that fact. Why care for what they think or feel, for their numbers, for their opinions? Why care at all for what they are trying to do? Have I become a victim of a war no one wanted? Is it a spiral of rejection that I happened to come across? some cosmic or karmic force that dictated that I shall not know anything but pain or mysery? What if I am truely right and should be really happy that I'm leaving for the simple fact of the political change that just took place. What if I should just walk into the office of every one of those dicks and say "FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!!!"
How can i possibly cope with anything that happened? What meds can i take that will take away what I feel? the dissapointment, the heartbreak, the pain, the loss of all my firends? They are sending me back home before thanksgiving, it will be the first one i've been at home for, for 4 years. All the things I left undone in the states are now going to need some resolution. The things I honestly ran from, that i did not want to face, because I was either scared or just didn't want to deal with. Now all of a sudden I am being thrust into that shit, after all this time. What the fuck? who the hell did i piss the fuck off to deserve all this shit? what the fuck ever i'm going to drink some more jager is calling my name and bitburger is about to dump me.
Well that's the reason for my inebriation. Now for the speech that i thought I wasn't going to say. Now that I no longer have to worry about watching my words or scanning my thoughts in case some one may stumble on to my secert little hiding place on the net where i can picutre my self the person i really want to be. Anyway this military, or rather the air force that prides it self on family and taking care of one another has done little of the sort. I have known and experienced many things that happened that would cause a regular company to cringe. The lack of compassion for "the individual" who would like to contribute his own style and talents to the team rather than become a faceless member of the team. It has shown me that some people just truely have no heart or compassion for others. They are just more faceless humans that I pass on the streets and therefore should be treated as such right? I mean if they don't care too much for me, or other people for that fact. Why care for what they think or feel, for their numbers, for their opinions? Why care at all for what they are trying to do? Have I become a victim of a war no one wanted? Is it a spiral of rejection that I happened to come across? some cosmic or karmic force that dictated that I shall not know anything but pain or mysery? What if I am truely right and should be really happy that I'm leaving for the simple fact of the political change that just took place. What if I should just walk into the office of every one of those dicks and say "FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!!!"
How can i possibly cope with anything that happened? What meds can i take that will take away what I feel? the dissapointment, the heartbreak, the pain, the loss of all my firends? They are sending me back home before thanksgiving, it will be the first one i've been at home for, for 4 years. All the things I left undone in the states are now going to need some resolution. The things I honestly ran from, that i did not want to face, because I was either scared or just didn't want to deal with. Now all of a sudden I am being thrust into that shit, after all this time. What the fuck? who the hell did i piss the fuck off to deserve all this shit? what the fuck ever i'm going to drink some more jager is calling my name and bitburger is about to dump me.