what do you do when your life is routine, like a robot, and you want to wake up, and the only way you do it is to long to dream and use ways to alter your reality. you want to think their is something out there to give your life meaning or excitement. i'm always sad on the inside because i haven't found my little mark in life.i'm always calm for the most part, i have a void though, a blackhole, if you must think of it that way, which, i always have my bad feelings, sad or mad, seep into it. it cracked again and bleed hatred towards a loved one i had no right to harm. i don't deserve her. it happens from time to time on everyone around me. personally i think it broke once and never closed just weeping pain on anyone who crosses me wrong from time to time. like a smart ass parasite. my problem is i never release the feelings always swallowing them like some nasty cough medicine. just chugging it down, quick like, to try to forget the taste. this is why some see me as evil. 