My mum just made another comment that edges on trying to talk me out of this.
"I can't see much difference than from the one you were with 20 years ago" (long ago I swore I'd never again try a little cute cheeky one). I just said "she's a much better dancer" (besides a 100 other differences. accordingly: fuck that!)
And, oh my god, there is just NO BETTER WAY to make me try and do something than telling me it's not possible.
Inside me, I'm pissed off, my sense of justice is insanely strong and I defend whom I like...
all more the reason to make it work - So, I should probably be grateful, in the long run.
Right now though, talking me out of the *first woman I do actually miss being around* (without being in complete love-crave) is not a strategic win. One more time and there'll be an answer.
Back then... 20 years ago, my to-be mother-in-law managed to destroy our relationship. I wasn't the one deeply in love and didn't fight hard enough when I should have. This is how I ended up first giving up on a very strong love in favour of my family (the cute girl wanted the catch *g*), and then without even the family. Young, easily manipulated and with too much respect of GF's parents.
This time, it's me carrying a knife between my teeth. *GRRRRRRR*
There's exactly one person who has the right to say no, and that's when I failed at convincing her for many more months. (I don't like the use of convincing here. One of the times where you'd need to be a native speaker to pick the right term. But, lol, don't worry. I wasn't sure if my flight back on Sunday would be cancelled due to snow and said it's a problem for tomorrow, in the end it's always fate that decides. And my dear crush just growled "NON IL DESTINO CHE DECIDE." ('fate has nothing say on where this goes' - that subtext was obvious. god I adore her willpower. I'm also frightened as shit. Can't wait for these 2 weeks to be over, can't wait for summer when I'll speak well enough to really make my case with this judge ...)
I know I keep babbling, just two more things I realized & I answered to my mum today.
1) I really can't remember missing to _be_ next to someone as much.
2) I like her as she is, and that is on the base that I cannot know much about her. I know what my heart tells me. I know where my brain flashes a few warning lights and I know I don't care, for a very rational reason: She's fine as she is. Otherwise we'd not enjoying spending our time together.
Maybe I have grown up a bit at last? to come to this point? but then I'm happy to grow up with a crazy partygoer and wild dancer as long as she lets me rest by her side whenever she slows down enough for a moment. I think once she understand's I'm not gonna tell her to "stay home and cook" it is possible everything solves. (Elon Musk, do you hear that? Fuck Alpha males.)
And I hope I'm not too blabla on myself. I write my impressions and my feelings because I'd find it quite impolite to write long stories about a person who is not on here and doesn't know. This way it seems fair: It's just what I think. Besides, she can discuss this stuff right in front of me and I won't understand jack shit (and still be building too many conspiracy theories off it) anyway. I'm in love and I wanna be there now and yes of course under her sheets, and I know I need to do this lentamente for once and not fuck it up. But the things I wrote above give me some more hope than I am used to. Maybe in my head I'll just call her Signorina no destino :-)
Edit: Fear comes back to me, daily. This fucking "be friends"... I have to recall: it was her who smiled at me. it was her who chatted me up. it was her who said thanks for finding her. it was her who invited me over. who suddenly shows up when I'm just looking for a place to go have dinner. and yeah who'd not say "uh idk mate" once you know you need google translate to discuss such very dinner. send me some trust in fate so I can keep trying. I like the stubbornness but at times I wish it'd be a tad easier and we could just sneak off the party and have sex and sort it out that way :)
