darkangelazrael

OK, so here it is so far. I LOVE Sara with everything that I am. She loves me too. Albeit, in her own way.. Everything about her is wonderful. Even how completely messed up I am over her. Ther other morning at about 4:30 she called me and we talked a bit. She is spending the entire weekend with two other guys that are hot for her. I don't know how she handles it. She is a hero of sorts to me. Anyways, she called early in the morning and basically she had ended up saying, in a strange way, that ending up with me and happy would be a grand thing. The only thing is that this is still all up in the air. And she still has more than 24 hours to hang out with these two other guys. I don't need to mention that the entire situation could change in an instant, let alone 36 hours or so. So I am very frightened. Fuck I love her to no end. I really hope we can find our way out of this fog to the brighter days I know would be there if we can only stay steadfast. If she needs all the time in the world to come to know her soul, her heart, needs me as mine need her then I would wait that long. Believe me, I had a chance to hook up on two different occasions this weekend with very pretty young ladies. But I could not. Because I love her so, that it would be a betrayal in my heart. Whether she is with me or not. I only make love these days. sex is just a pale comparison. Although making out is still pretty hot. lol. Fuck me. I wish I knew a way to have this turn out with all parties being happy, but someone is going to get hurt. I pray that it is not Sara. And I wish it wouldn't be me. I can't help feeling as though I should brace for the inevitable impact of crushing disappointment. Why should she pick me? She has at least two strapping young lads in waiting. And probably many more than that AND the open horrizon of being with no one in particular. Shit I have gone on too long. This has to be my longest journal entry to date. KNOW THIS WORLD!!!!! I LOVE SARA!!!! I love her head to toe. Inside and out. And whatever happens I will struggle to ALWAYS be her friend. No matter how much it may hurt to be only that. She's amazing. She deserves whatever she wants in life. I cry for her to want me. Thanks a lot for listening to me everyone. I hope what is left of your weekends are just going splendidly for you all. Take care and with much love.


Love, Ron.


P.S. 9/11 is not just a day of mourning and insight. Remember that William Wallace kicked the English would-be usurper out of Scottland on that day. At the battle of Stirling.