darkangelazrael

Here I am. Not knowing what to say but needing to say something. Feeling alone. Got a call from someone I have been wanting to speak with for a long time. it came on the 31st of last month twice actually but i must have left my phone at home, so i did not get to speak with her. I can't bring myself to call her not knowing what she is doing or who she is with or if she wishes to spend time with me. It seems that for the countless seeds of love i have cast that none will take hold and germinate. But my love is immortal. I cannot stab it, poison it, and sadly enough it looks as though it cannot be starved to death either. So I am left to live with it burning in me alone and useless to anyone that means anything to me. just to walk through life doing nothing but trying to make enough money for the next tattoo, keep gas in the tank, get a new cd. And return home to be the reluctant hermit i have become. I'm tired, but still do not sleep, as usual. I feel hollow. I feel i am not happy each day, yet i go to work, make jokes and speak in weird accents and smile and laugh and then wonder how i can keep putting up with myself, and why other people do. Am I a ghost? do any of you feel as though i may have visited you recently? I feel a ghost, and feel that this is how their days must run together for them. Slipping away till it is just a muddle of unrememberable things. God i'm pathetic. I'll stop now. It is my intention to just erase all this and logg off as i have done these past weeks but i will force myself to submit it. I hope you are all doing well out there and getting on much better than i. I love you all and miss many of you more than i can muster the words for. Take care.

Sincerely, Ron.