I figure i owe you all, my dear SG friends an update at this point....
Without question, this is the worst day/time in my life right now,
my hero is still fighting for breath and life but his struggle shall soon probably be for naught.
When he went in a few weeks ago, we had no idea it would ever become this!!!
I needed a few minutes alone away from the ICU and I have so fucking much to do before he passes that I shall prolly not be able to post more on here..
'or it may make such utter nonsense and be so utterly mournful that I shall resist writing such blue words.
I wish to spare my beloved SG friends the mornful wail that
I now suffer.
forgive this even,
its hard as hell to type..
but I share my pride in my friendship with all of you now before i can no longer trype..
I beg of you rather to scroll down and see the great taoist wisdom of being happy and lively in the face of utter tragedy..
I have some very sad news and shocking
truths to deal with far beyond simple death now..
i shall hope you stick with me and understand that my life's not so drama ridden..
I am soothed by the sweet comments made and shall refer to them when i can..
i shall be busy with the biz of being the durable power of attorney, deeds and trusts, the strong shoulder that everyone can rely on when they themselves lose it.
I shall now need to be the strongest pillar of support for my dad's biological children who just lost their brother months ago.
There are countless people from so many directions who wish to give candlelight vigils in his name..
I have to be the strong one now and i just need ed to vent and release my utter pain and loss of hope with those i trustr,,,
my dear friends call and call
and my sweet lovers offer solace
and my onlly hero trys to comfort me when all he should be doing is relaxing and making peace with his maker..
so I implore you all to understand that i trust that this journal entry will be undertstood as my own Gatsby-esque
reaching out for that
famous beacon of green light across my own sea of darkness..
a quest for the unattainable.
I am in extreme pian now physically most disturbingly,
my right side is paralyzed with grief,
mmy left eye is blind I guessin terror of losing my hero to such a modern cursed amalady..
I curse thsi modern workld and feel i should have nbeen a doctor yera sago..
i hold myslef accountable but understand that's silly.
I am numb and surreal with my pain.
i truly love you all and I thank the SGAZ last weekend for being gentle with me when i arrived at the shindig bedecked with roses.
It means a lot those whose first greetings to me were
"are you doing okay"
I shall give my life to all of you..
I met a couple as well who i immediately would want to be the godparents to my children if i had any
The darkness and Miss dates, I send special thanks for your friendship..
there are others but i'm a slobbering mess and can no longer see what i tyope or feel the keys beyond my hshoulders.
I thAnk all of you who are on my friends list...
TO THOSE BRAND NEW TO MY WORLD ON SG,
I ESPECIALLY SEND YOU THANKS,
FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME SINCE MY WHOLE WORLD WAS SHOCKINGLY WALLOPED WITH SUCH UNEXPECTED NEWS!!!
My thoughts turn to thank those in my life who help me shake the shock,
and numbness from my body and mind...
to my lovers, some of whom are on here,
I thank you for the sweet warm embraces
and the soft hands of sweetness you offer..
to this site and all who appreciate it like i do...
I remind you that you are so much a value to me that i never knew..
Thanks to my best friend for FINALLY building me the frankencomputer for me at my home,
so i have SG access since halloween.
to the Sg s that I swoon with,,
you have made my days so serene and remind me that I was
raised by one son of a gun Gentleman
and any smiles I've inspired come from his heart.
he tells me to treat every lady,
animal,
and mannered male with love..
he's a true Gentlaman Saint to me and many others..
I send you that love since I am
ripped apart yet
shining thru with rays of an undying shafts of adoration..
I gotta go..
yeah that;s a whole helluva lot to dump on all of you..
forgive me..
I shall try to comments soon..
it may only be to say thanks
love
I truly mean it!
Love to all of you
ciao
~jarrett, son of a great, great Man!
I shall post some pics while i try to calm down and regain my composure...
here's my pops right before he met my crazy
math Genius mom...
I was a baker's dozen months old by then...
he's never lost that wonderful smile or sense of joy..
he's a kiler with the ladies i bring over to meet him..
he's my charming Ace in the hole for romance and imopressing my sweethearts..
always tho he'd remind me..
treat a Lady like a Lady no matter what her
situation..
all women deserve respect, adoration, and the courtesy of a
true gentleman...
I owe my whole happiness to this Southern gent!!!
this is My dad, his beloved dog and the Love of my Life
(she's in my photostes a bit)
back when i didn't understand how valuable a woman truly in love was!
I lost her since i didn't commit..
this broke my dad's heart more than mine I fear..
This is one of the happiest days of his life since she just told him I was the one..
he was already planning the names of the grandchildren!
That was in 1997.
The dogs are his life and I wish i could storm the ICU with his beloveds one last time,
one last lick and hug from them I am convinced would save his Life now!
his dream come true...
a GRANDSON!!My step brother, his blood relation finally gave him an heir to the Collinsworth name!
it's a very historically important bloodline ..
I'll honor that later
here's his dream come true for my dad just months ago..
I think he felt he now has what he was wishing for and is now ready to move on.
my step sis..
this shall be most crushing of all for her.she's flying in to read psalms together into the final nights
and the greatest time for dad is when he's out there fishing,
being captain of his "ship" and good times with his children,
I love you dad,
my truest best Hero,
my zen master,,
I love you so
that's all I can do for now..
I just needed to see those up on a screen before I take them into the ICU and tape them up.
Without question, this is the worst day/time in my life right now,
my hero is still fighting for breath and life but his struggle shall soon probably be for naught.
When he went in a few weeks ago, we had no idea it would ever become this!!!
I needed a few minutes alone away from the ICU and I have so fucking much to do before he passes that I shall prolly not be able to post more on here..
'or it may make such utter nonsense and be so utterly mournful that I shall resist writing such blue words.
I wish to spare my beloved SG friends the mornful wail that
I now suffer.
forgive this even,
its hard as hell to type..
but I share my pride in my friendship with all of you now before i can no longer trype..
I beg of you rather to scroll down and see the great taoist wisdom of being happy and lively in the face of utter tragedy..
I have some very sad news and shocking
truths to deal with far beyond simple death now..
i shall hope you stick with me and understand that my life's not so drama ridden..
I am soothed by the sweet comments made and shall refer to them when i can..
i shall be busy with the biz of being the durable power of attorney, deeds and trusts, the strong shoulder that everyone can rely on when they themselves lose it.
I shall now need to be the strongest pillar of support for my dad's biological children who just lost their brother months ago.
There are countless people from so many directions who wish to give candlelight vigils in his name..
I have to be the strong one now and i just need ed to vent and release my utter pain and loss of hope with those i trustr,,,
my dear friends call and call
and my sweet lovers offer solace
and my onlly hero trys to comfort me when all he should be doing is relaxing and making peace with his maker..
so I implore you all to understand that i trust that this journal entry will be undertstood as my own Gatsby-esque
reaching out for that
famous beacon of green light across my own sea of darkness..
a quest for the unattainable.
I am in extreme pian now physically most disturbingly,
my right side is paralyzed with grief,
mmy left eye is blind I guessin terror of losing my hero to such a modern cursed amalady..
I curse thsi modern workld and feel i should have nbeen a doctor yera sago..
i hold myslef accountable but understand that's silly.
I am numb and surreal with my pain.
i truly love you all and I thank the SGAZ last weekend for being gentle with me when i arrived at the shindig bedecked with roses.
It means a lot those whose first greetings to me were
"are you doing okay"
I shall give my life to all of you..
I met a couple as well who i immediately would want to be the godparents to my children if i had any
The darkness and Miss dates, I send special thanks for your friendship..
there are others but i'm a slobbering mess and can no longer see what i tyope or feel the keys beyond my hshoulders.
I thAnk all of you who are on my friends list...
TO THOSE BRAND NEW TO MY WORLD ON SG,
I ESPECIALLY SEND YOU THANKS,
FOR BEING PATIENT WITH ME SINCE MY WHOLE WORLD WAS SHOCKINGLY WALLOPED WITH SUCH UNEXPECTED NEWS!!!
My thoughts turn to thank those in my life who help me shake the shock,
and numbness from my body and mind...
to my lovers, some of whom are on here,
I thank you for the sweet warm embraces
and the soft hands of sweetness you offer..
to this site and all who appreciate it like i do...
I remind you that you are so much a value to me that i never knew..
Thanks to my best friend for FINALLY building me the frankencomputer for me at my home,
so i have SG access since halloween.
to the Sg s that I swoon with,,
you have made my days so serene and remind me that I was
raised by one son of a gun Gentleman
and any smiles I've inspired come from his heart.
he tells me to treat every lady,
animal,
and mannered male with love..
he's a true Gentlaman Saint to me and many others..
I send you that love since I am
ripped apart yet
shining thru with rays of an undying shafts of adoration..
I gotta go..
yeah that;s a whole helluva lot to dump on all of you..
forgive me..
I shall try to comments soon..
it may only be to say thanks
love
I truly mean it!
Love to all of you
ciao
~jarrett, son of a great, great Man!
I shall post some pics while i try to calm down and regain my composure...
here's my pops right before he met my crazy
math Genius mom...
I was a baker's dozen months old by then...
he's never lost that wonderful smile or sense of joy..
he's a kiler with the ladies i bring over to meet him..
he's my charming Ace in the hole for romance and imopressing my sweethearts..
always tho he'd remind me..
treat a Lady like a Lady no matter what her
situation..
all women deserve respect, adoration, and the courtesy of a
true gentleman...
I owe my whole happiness to this Southern gent!!!
this is My dad, his beloved dog and the Love of my Life
(she's in my photostes a bit)
back when i didn't understand how valuable a woman truly in love was!
I lost her since i didn't commit..
this broke my dad's heart more than mine I fear..
This is one of the happiest days of his life since she just told him I was the one..
he was already planning the names of the grandchildren!
That was in 1997.
The dogs are his life and I wish i could storm the ICU with his beloveds one last time,
one last lick and hug from them I am convinced would save his Life now!
his dream come true...
a GRANDSON!!My step brother, his blood relation finally gave him an heir to the Collinsworth name!
it's a very historically important bloodline ..
I'll honor that later
here's his dream come true for my dad just months ago..
I think he felt he now has what he was wishing for and is now ready to move on.
my step sis..
this shall be most crushing of all for her.she's flying in to read psalms together into the final nights
and the greatest time for dad is when he's out there fishing,
being captain of his "ship" and good times with his children,
I love you dad,
my truest best Hero,
my zen master,,
I love you so
that's all I can do for now..
I just needed to see those up on a screen before I take them into the ICU and tape them up.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
And how funny, your *true love* above looks a bit like me! I am sorry I didn't have the time or decency to make your night sparkle last night, but MY *love* was home and time had to be spent accordingly...
I hope that some point soon I shall have a chance to sit and write you something long & meaningful. Until then, you are in my heart.
I do not use our *other* space quite as much, being my time is taken with small child & the lovely ladies of SG. I feel a bit more special here... so always email me and always post to Anuyi
It has been some time since preparing for loss and eventually losing someone close to me. This was my Nana, who I would also call my hero because of her wonderful heart and generosity. It has been nearly 10 years since that time, and although the pain is still there, her memory lives through all those she loved and all those that loved her.
Your love for your father is tremendous. His love for you is seen in each one of his spirited smiles in the pictures you have shared here. There is no greater love than a love you can give a child and that love will always be there, even in times of pain. The love he has for you and the love that you have for him, it may not make him well, but it will make him fulfilled. He sounds like such a wonderful man, and that great spirit, his legacy will live through his children, through you.
Your father, you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sending 10 million bajillion hugs to you.