WED. night... 2/23
late...
the rain pours over me and I don't care any more
*******************************
He's worse....
he's more fragile and fearful than ever...
I'm numb and delerious and in a strange dreamworld nowadays...
He wants his living will updated..
it's all he can focus on now.
That's the only bright spot we can hold onto...
Ironic that his thoughts of his own death give him Life.
I've been losing myself on SG for an hour now...
I truly try to keep my spirits high while I keep up with all of you dears....
I truly have fallen in love with each and every one of you !!!!
Thanks for the sweet, supportive words and comments...
Now I have to work a 14 hour shift tom.
Oh yeah, I'm fit for that!
g'night my dear beloveds...
I owe all of you my sanity!
~j
********************************
Weds. morn.-feb 23rd
#######################
I just can't bring myself to post another stunningly somber journal entry right now my dears!!!
I wouldn't want to bring down my friends,
(and those who honor me, I hear, by bookmarking me)
with more sad, sad news..
so I'll just update this one a bit..
the news came down on monday...
things aren't looking good...
he should make it out of the hospital but shall be faced with MAJOR life changes very soon.
It' NOT Cancer, but it's not much better...
I'm trying to deal with his predicament before I post more..
just know I really am grateful for the love you send ...
just send it his way PLEASE!!!
don't bother about me in your wishes right now,
thanks tho..
I want every ounce of goodwill to wash over him if it can...
Thank you all..
I'm gonna go collapse now at what 4:40 in the anxious, anxious morn!
all is Love...
########################
updated late Sunday night/Monday morn
================================
I truly wish to profoundly thank
all of you who have sent kind comments,
comfort, & concern for me and my ailing Father recently.
He's getting worse by the day...
there's some very distressing news he and I are preparing to
deal with once the doctors get back tests.
He's my ONLY family, he's my true gentleman Hero.
Thanks everyone for the support.
Sorry these journals are somber and not as lighthearted as usual.
Thanks most of all to those who have been trusting enough to share their own mournful experiences in dealing with the passing of a parent or sibling.
You help me prepare for what I am in too much shock
and sleepless delerium to really understand is forebodingly at hand.
I still have hope he's walking out of that hospital room.
It's all I can focus on ...until Monday's news hits us like bricks!
~J
here's some pics I scanned with my dad and his beloved dogs...
Man, does he love his dogs!
=======================================
febuary 18th in the stomach sick morning----
**it's my ailing dad's birthday today
I can't bear to be around his pain sometimes.
I really don't deserve such a hero.
I know I'm just delerious now.
but anyways here' what i wrote to help me thru.
**
Life is something ya don't really appreciate til it's dangerously close to withering away.
Breath is vital, each breath the machines help my dad take I thank whomever invented them.
each time I visit, the machinery and tubes tragically increase in number, rattle, and complexity.
I still hold strongly to the tenets of preventative medicine.
even more so now.
God damn the pollution!
god damn the tobacco lobbyists
(he chain smoked some 20 years ago)
God damn the breakdown of the body!
my dad's a great man.
It's been my failing not to be nearly as kind , gemtlemanly, or as strong as he.
god damn it I'm dying.
sorry.
I just needed to vent a bit.
happy birthday dad.
tho you may never see this.
I love you.
I owe you the best aspects of my character.
if only I would have moved out of the soot soaked fucking city.
your forest home is so good for you
the air so clean.
I would carry you a 3000 miles to your resting place if that's what it takes my papa.
I'm not worthy of your smile.
your hand grows strong then weak in my grip .
you hope that I'm not worried so.
You shed tears when I'm gone and then act like your indestructable when I'm around.
we talk of crazy plans and travels when you get out.
are you getting out pop?!?!
you are my hero.
happy birthday my hero.
be there for me next year.
that's my wish
~Jarrett
late...
the rain pours over me and I don't care any more
*******************************
He's worse....
he's more fragile and fearful than ever...
I'm numb and delerious and in a strange dreamworld nowadays...
He wants his living will updated..
it's all he can focus on now.
That's the only bright spot we can hold onto...
Ironic that his thoughts of his own death give him Life.
I've been losing myself on SG for an hour now...
I truly try to keep my spirits high while I keep up with all of you dears....
I truly have fallen in love with each and every one of you !!!!
Thanks for the sweet, supportive words and comments...
Now I have to work a 14 hour shift tom.
Oh yeah, I'm fit for that!
g'night my dear beloveds...
I owe all of you my sanity!
~j
********************************
Weds. morn.-feb 23rd
#######################
I just can't bring myself to post another stunningly somber journal entry right now my dears!!!
I wouldn't want to bring down my friends,
(and those who honor me, I hear, by bookmarking me)
with more sad, sad news..
so I'll just update this one a bit..
the news came down on monday...
things aren't looking good...
he should make it out of the hospital but shall be faced with MAJOR life changes very soon.
It' NOT Cancer, but it's not much better...
I'm trying to deal with his predicament before I post more..
just know I really am grateful for the love you send ...
just send it his way PLEASE!!!
don't bother about me in your wishes right now,
thanks tho..
I want every ounce of goodwill to wash over him if it can...
Thank you all..
I'm gonna go collapse now at what 4:40 in the anxious, anxious morn!
all is Love...
########################
updated late Sunday night/Monday morn
================================
I truly wish to profoundly thank
all of you who have sent kind comments,
comfort, & concern for me and my ailing Father recently.
He's getting worse by the day...
there's some very distressing news he and I are preparing to
deal with once the doctors get back tests.
He's my ONLY family, he's my true gentleman Hero.
Thanks everyone for the support.
Sorry these journals are somber and not as lighthearted as usual.
Thanks most of all to those who have been trusting enough to share their own mournful experiences in dealing with the passing of a parent or sibling.
You help me prepare for what I am in too much shock
and sleepless delerium to really understand is forebodingly at hand.
I still have hope he's walking out of that hospital room.
It's all I can focus on ...until Monday's news hits us like bricks!
~J
here's some pics I scanned with my dad and his beloved dogs...
Man, does he love his dogs!
=======================================
febuary 18th in the stomach sick morning----
**it's my ailing dad's birthday today
I can't bear to be around his pain sometimes.
I really don't deserve such a hero.
I know I'm just delerious now.
but anyways here' what i wrote to help me thru.
**
Life is something ya don't really appreciate til it's dangerously close to withering away.
Breath is vital, each breath the machines help my dad take I thank whomever invented them.
each time I visit, the machinery and tubes tragically increase in number, rattle, and complexity.
I still hold strongly to the tenets of preventative medicine.
even more so now.
God damn the pollution!
god damn the tobacco lobbyists
(he chain smoked some 20 years ago)
God damn the breakdown of the body!
my dad's a great man.
It's been my failing not to be nearly as kind , gemtlemanly, or as strong as he.
god damn it I'm dying.
sorry.
I just needed to vent a bit.
happy birthday dad.
tho you may never see this.
I love you.
I owe you the best aspects of my character.
if only I would have moved out of the soot soaked fucking city.
your forest home is so good for you
the air so clean.
I would carry you a 3000 miles to your resting place if that's what it takes my papa.
I'm not worthy of your smile.
your hand grows strong then weak in my grip .
you hope that I'm not worried so.
You shed tears when I'm gone and then act like your indestructable when I'm around.
we talk of crazy plans and travels when you get out.
are you getting out pop?!?!
you are my hero.
happy birthday my hero.
be there for me next year.
that's my wish
~Jarrett
VIEW 25 of 46 COMMENTS
Found myself a really handsome guy whom I flirted with all night. We'll probably see each other for a few weeks and then I'll get too attached and I'll cry and tell him I never want to see him again. I'm a sucker for heartbreak.
Hopefull I'll see you this weekend!