daphnee

Today is a very depressing day for me...
Dec. 5, 2004 - my soulmate Tiffany would of made 28 ; instead on her birthday she decided to commit suicide. I will never forget where I was when I recieved the news. At the time , I was living in Carriere , Ms. and driving back and forth to New Orleans to visit friends and family, also I was 5 months pregnant with my son Kaleb. On the St. Charles exit, my phone rings and on the other end was my mom speaking in a monotone voice telling me to pull over so she could talk to me. So, I did what she said , then she said "I dont want you to get upset b/c you are pregnant, "... I knew that something bad had happened, and how can you not get upset when someone is telling you not to...so I said "who died", all my friends were dropping dead like flies so I thought it was maybe someone who I ran with, but not Tiffany. Tiffany and I were at The House of Blues a week prior to see Skinny Puppy, and then Ministry ... and I was about to go to her house for her birthday... So she said "It's Tiffany"... Immediatley the tears started streaming down my face, I dropped the cell phone and started screaming at the top of my lungs ... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I punched the stearing wheel so many times, I'm surprised I didn't knock it off... So after about an hour of me sitting on side the street, screaming... I called my mother back and asked her what happened. She said that one of her friends was over and they were shooting coke and dope, well her friend nodded out but when she came to, she saw Tiffany hunched over turning blue and ran to get the neighbor. Instead of calling 911, they wasted time cleaning up all the spoons, needles , baggies, foil etc... neither one of them attempted to do CPR or try to bring her back b/c they said they thought she had Hep C and was affraid to catch it... I was furious, what the fuck... who cares, if I saw someone in need of help, I would do whatever it took to help them, no matter what disease they had....So they finally called 911 and she was dead on arrival. The girl that was with her (I never did find out who she was b/c i would of beaten the shit out of her) said that Tiffany had bought $300 worth of cocaine and started shooting it , and the girl went to the bathroom to do her shot of dope. I know who Tiffany bought the stuff from so I drove into the projects to confront him...I had to blame someone, I didn't care if I was pregnant and by myself or if I got arrested.. I needed answers. Tiffany was not a big user, not like the rest of us... At most she would spend $40, so when I heard she spent $300, I knew something was not right.
Mike was his name. He had taken me in a few years back when I was on the street. I ran to him and started hitting him crying and screaming... All he did was let me get my anger out and put his arms around me real tight so I would stop hitting... He explained his view to me.. which was.. "Look, this is what I do for a living, you know that., So when someone wants to spend $300, I serve them, if they want to spend $20, I serve them.. so how is this my fault?? " It made sense, but still I walked away and never spoke to him since that day....
About a year and a half before this... Tiffany's mom and her best friend commited suicide by way of suffocation. This is when Tiffany started on her downward spiral... Someone who always was on my ass about using needles was now doing the same thing, but worse.... During the last month she had told me that she was depressed and wanted to kill herself, but I just blew it off and laughed and said " no you don't, baby girl, its the drugs talking " .. She said if she was ever to do it, she would do one huge shot of coke and go out with a bang., also she said she would leave bowls of water and cat food out for her cat , so he wouldn't starve in time where someone could find her body....... And then it hit me.... She killed herself, she actually did it... thats why she spent $300 on coke... So I called her neighbor and asked if anything was not right around her apartment. She said" nothing was out of the ordinary except that there was cat food all over the place....... "
I never got a chance to tell her goodbye. She was my soulmate, she knew me better than I knew myself.. Its been 6 years, so on this day ... Happy Birthday Tiffany, you are greatly missed and not forgotten ..........
xoxoxoxo Daphnee/ Azreale J........