Hello everybody out there in Suicide Girl Land , and whoever is reading thsi.....
I am soooo fucking happy that Halloween is coming up... My new year... The witches new year.... I do think this year will be better for me than the last... Last year sucked ... more of my friends died, more of my soul has died and more chains have been strapped around my ice cold heart.....
Trust has died out, betrayal has made its way alll over my existence.... It fucking hurts soooo bad to be betrayed ,especially by someone whom you would of died for. Someone who you had a love affair with for 4 years, she was there when I gave birth to both of my children. I thought nothing would ever tear us apart. when we broke up as lovers, we became stronger friends, with an even tighter bond that held us together. so the question is >>>>>.. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HER ????
DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS, AND MORE DRUGS FROM MORNING TO NIGHT, SOLD AND USED AND CHANGED INTO SOMEONE THAT WAS A STRANGER TO ME AND I HAD TO BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO HER ALL OVER AGAIN... BUT I DID IT,.... WHY ??????????????????? BECAUSE OF LOVE. LOVE. LOVE IS SUPPOST TO CONQUER ALL DEMONS..... MY LOVE WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
I tried, with my whole soul to change her back into the woman I fell in love with, the woman who taught me that no man was worth my soul, and heart. she made me believe in myself and thought i was beautiful. one time she thought i was a queen.... BUT I SOON LEARNED THAT I NOR ANYONE ELSE COULD CHANGE WHAT HAD BECOME, AND ALSO TRYING TO CHANGE THIS DYING WOMAN ONLY MADE HER PUSH AWAY FROM ME. SO I STOPPED AND GAVE HER SPACE. I though she would come out of it one day.... and I would be right there waiting for her when it happened... even if it would take the next 10 years (i won't be alive in ten years due to pesonal sicknesses, but maybe we would be together in the next life, innocent as we were when i was freaked out the first time i kissed a girl.... ) She was my first. Well I don't know who had followed up on my blog that I posted some time back , but come to find out.... She has been using my identity for the past 6 years, my hospitilization, she has vehicles registered in my name, credit cards, has been arrested under my name (goes to show how the criminal system in new orleans is.... there in none )... So since she is a dealer, the Dea has been watching her and has made a 3 year case against her... but when she would get pulled over driving .... she used my name, I have over 11 traffic tickets from her that I am fighting right now.... The Dea busted down my door and in front of my 4 year old son, grabbed me and threw me down, like I'm some big threat and proceded to arrest me and take me to federal prison, my son was screaming for me and there was nothing that i could do.... I was confused and did not have any idea what was going on.... Finally when we got to the lock up... I was confronted with an undercover who I "had been selling to for the past three years ".................................. THANK WHOEVER IS LOOKING OUT FOR ME UP IN THE SKY< because when the undercover saw me, he said ...."I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL A DAY IN MY LIFE"... i demanded to be un-cuffed and they brought in a thick brown folder that had my name across the top of it and inside contained about 400 pictures or so....
They proceeded to open it and asked me if I knew the girl in the pictures.......
Before I could say anything.....
MY HEART FELT LIKE IT STOPPED BEATING, AND TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE BECAUSE THE GIRL IN THE PICTURES WAS HER.... my love, the only one in this world who i would of done anything for.... I went into shock i think for 10 minutes, the room was spinnng and my stare was blank as i rocked back and forth crying "why, why, why would she do this to me"......
SO I LOOKED AT THE DETECTIVE AND I REPLIED, YES. YES, I KNOW THE GIRL IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PICTURES.... NOW BRING ME HOME SO I CAN FIND A HOLE TO CRAWL IN AND HIDE AND SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS AND AT THE DEVIL AND CRY UNTIL MY HEART FELT NO PAIN.......
Azreale
I am soooo fucking happy that Halloween is coming up... My new year... The witches new year.... I do think this year will be better for me than the last... Last year sucked ... more of my friends died, more of my soul has died and more chains have been strapped around my ice cold heart.....
Trust has died out, betrayal has made its way alll over my existence.... It fucking hurts soooo bad to be betrayed ,especially by someone whom you would of died for. Someone who you had a love affair with for 4 years, she was there when I gave birth to both of my children. I thought nothing would ever tear us apart. when we broke up as lovers, we became stronger friends, with an even tighter bond that held us together. so the question is >>>>>.. WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO HER ????
DRUGS, DRUGS, DRUGS, AND MORE DRUGS FROM MORNING TO NIGHT, SOLD AND USED AND CHANGED INTO SOMEONE THAT WAS A STRANGER TO ME AND I HAD TO BECOME ACCUSTOMED TO HER ALL OVER AGAIN... BUT I DID IT,.... WHY ??????????????????? BECAUSE OF LOVE. LOVE. LOVE IS SUPPOST TO CONQUER ALL DEMONS..... MY LOVE WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH.
I tried, with my whole soul to change her back into the woman I fell in love with, the woman who taught me that no man was worth my soul, and heart. she made me believe in myself and thought i was beautiful. one time she thought i was a queen.... BUT I SOON LEARNED THAT I NOR ANYONE ELSE COULD CHANGE WHAT HAD BECOME, AND ALSO TRYING TO CHANGE THIS DYING WOMAN ONLY MADE HER PUSH AWAY FROM ME. SO I STOPPED AND GAVE HER SPACE. I though she would come out of it one day.... and I would be right there waiting for her when it happened... even if it would take the next 10 years (i won't be alive in ten years due to pesonal sicknesses, but maybe we would be together in the next life, innocent as we were when i was freaked out the first time i kissed a girl.... ) She was my first. Well I don't know who had followed up on my blog that I posted some time back , but come to find out.... She has been using my identity for the past 6 years, my hospitilization, she has vehicles registered in my name, credit cards, has been arrested under my name (goes to show how the criminal system in new orleans is.... there in none )... So since she is a dealer, the Dea has been watching her and has made a 3 year case against her... but when she would get pulled over driving .... she used my name, I have over 11 traffic tickets from her that I am fighting right now.... The Dea busted down my door and in front of my 4 year old son, grabbed me and threw me down, like I'm some big threat and proceded to arrest me and take me to federal prison, my son was screaming for me and there was nothing that i could do.... I was confused and did not have any idea what was going on.... Finally when we got to the lock up... I was confronted with an undercover who I "had been selling to for the past three years ".................................. THANK WHOEVER IS LOOKING OUT FOR ME UP IN THE SKY< because when the undercover saw me, he said ...."I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS GIRL A DAY IN MY LIFE"... i demanded to be un-cuffed and they brought in a thick brown folder that had my name across the top of it and inside contained about 400 pictures or so....
They proceeded to open it and asked me if I knew the girl in the pictures.......
Before I could say anything.....
MY HEART FELT LIKE IT STOPPED BEATING, AND TEARS WERE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE BECAUSE THE GIRL IN THE PICTURES WAS HER.... my love, the only one in this world who i would of done anything for.... I went into shock i think for 10 minutes, the room was spinnng and my stare was blank as i rocked back and forth crying "why, why, why would she do this to me"......
SO I LOOKED AT THE DETECTIVE AND I REPLIED, YES. YES, I KNOW THE GIRL IN EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE PICTURES.... NOW BRING ME HOME SO I CAN FIND A HOLE TO CRAWL IN AND HIDE AND SCREAM AT THE HEAVENS AND AT THE DEVIL AND CRY UNTIL MY HEART FELT NO PAIN.......
Azreale