All right, before I being my weekly journal entry, I thought I'd share with you two videoes by a couple of bands I've discovered over the past week or two. Something about them stirs the Wisconsinite in me
First, we have Loituma's "Levan Polka"
Yes, in case you are wondering, this is EXACTLY how clubing is back home
Now Atomik Harmonik's "Turbo Polka". Those crazy Slovenes!
Now there's some Bubblegum Pop that I don't mind listening too!
All right, now that thats taken care of and you're done dancing (seriously, how can you listen to those and NOW spontanously break into dance?), I can get into my journal proper here.
It has, by and large, been a fairly good week. I've become serious about, once again, quiting smoking; a habit which I picked up roughly three or four weeks ago for the third time. So far I've been able to restrain myself to only two a day, and with the help of my handy nicotine gum, I hopefully will be able to kick the habit once again.
I seriously don't understand how I started again. I'd been going strong for months without the urge, and suddenly the cravings started to hit me like a Mac truck. To make matters even worse, the weather began to get bitterly cold, I remember several several days of -30 with windchills, and I wasn't able to fall back upon old standby of cigars. There simply was no way in which I was going to be standing outside for half an hour in that type of weather in order to smoke a cigar.
Obviously, something was (is?) bothering me, although I don't really know what it is. I'm coming to suspect that I either have yet to fully heal from my experiences in Alaska or, to carry the metaphor further than it should go, I've finally healed and the scabs are coming off. What ever the case, I've been more sensative than usual lately, and very tense to boot.
You know, I can say with all honesty that things have certainly improved for me over the past 6 months or so. I'm no longer in as bad of a position as I was at this point last year, and I have ever reasom to believe that, if I keep my nerve, things will continue to improve.
However, I think its time to come to grips with the fact that these 20-something years suck! The last time I've felt this generally confused about what it is I'm doing, what the expectations are for me, and what I want out of life, was when puberty hit me in Middle School. I seem to be surviving it all a lot better than I did when I was 12, but I'm honestly not sure which was less pleasent!
Now, before I go on to writing my next installation of "The Tree-Splitters" (which I will 'spoiler' for the sake of those who don't want to read a 15 + page journal!) I want to recount a dream that I had last night. Part of it makes a suprisingly large amount of sense, but other parts are much less so.
The Dream: Of Alaska, War and Make Believe Cars
The dream starts out with me back in Alaska. Its night time outside, and I'm back in my old school. There seems to be a party going on at the school; there is cake laid out in the staff lounge and all of the teachers are milling around, talking to one another very excitedly.
I'm making my way around and am talking to the other teachers. I see my old Principle (a woman who was a mentor to me in real life) and we exchange some words in the hallway. She seems very happy to see me, and asks me to do some work at the school. I tell her that I'd love to, but I don't work there anymore.
Two thoughts strike me at this point: 1) I'm not sure if people realize that I don't work at the school anymore. 2) I'm really not sure how I got up there in the first place. The later seems to confuse me the most; it seems as if this is a day trip for me, but it certainly takes longer than that to get up there. Also, if I'm visiting, where am I staying? Someone else lives in my old house, and its not like there is a hotel in the village. I seem to remember that this has all been taken care of, but I don't know how.
I go back to the party and begin to tour the school. I go to my old classroom which is lit up very nicely and it seems as if most of my stuff is still there. I think I even run into some of my old students who are there. So far, everything is going very well, and the only emotion I'm feeling is a happiness at seeing my old co-workers and visiting the village.
At one point I meet some of the new teachers and keep asking them if they "Know what happened to me here?" Part of it is my concern that the same thing doesn't happen to them, but I think a larger part is that I just want others to know what happened. This seems very important to me.
The dream buzzes along, and I'm not sure of much of what happens in the middle. Ther might have been a dance or a presentation for the students that I'm helping out with. Things get clearer (and much Stranger!) as it goes on.
Eventually all of the teachers and staff are together and we decide to make War(!!!!!) on another village. This seems like great fun, but some people are worried that we won't be able to do it well. I tell them not to worry, I have something which can help: I pull out what I think of as a "relic". What ever it is, I tell them it has special powers and can become one of three things. I forget what the other two are, but eventually we decide to turn it into some kind of large truck so we can get over to the battle quicker.
They all take off in the vechicle and I go off in my own, alone. I'm driving the car over icy roads (and how roads suddenly appeared in the Alaskan Bush, I do not know!) when I come to a Stop Sign. I try to put on the brakes, but I skid right on through. I skid through the next one as well. In fact the car seems to be picking up speed by itself, and the brakes aren't working because of the icy roads. Although I don't panic, I'm getting upset.
At that point I look at the shadow of my car, being given off by the moon. I look at the shadow and, instead of seeing a car's outline, I just see the outline of myself, running very fast! I suddenly realize that there IS no car, its just an illusion. Since there is no car, and I'm only running, I'm actually in control after all; I decide to jump into the air and land in a snow bank on the side of the road.
Thats when I wake up.
Now _THAT_ is a weird dream.
And now for the next episode of "The Tree Splitters"
The Tree Splitters: Episode 8
First, we have Loituma's "Levan Polka"
Yes, in case you are wondering, this is EXACTLY how clubing is back home
Now Atomik Harmonik's "Turbo Polka". Those crazy Slovenes!
Now there's some Bubblegum Pop that I don't mind listening too!
All right, now that thats taken care of and you're done dancing (seriously, how can you listen to those and NOW spontanously break into dance?), I can get into my journal proper here.
It has, by and large, been a fairly good week. I've become serious about, once again, quiting smoking; a habit which I picked up roughly three or four weeks ago for the third time. So far I've been able to restrain myself to only two a day, and with the help of my handy nicotine gum, I hopefully will be able to kick the habit once again.
I seriously don't understand how I started again. I'd been going strong for months without the urge, and suddenly the cravings started to hit me like a Mac truck. To make matters even worse, the weather began to get bitterly cold, I remember several several days of -30 with windchills, and I wasn't able to fall back upon old standby of cigars. There simply was no way in which I was going to be standing outside for half an hour in that type of weather in order to smoke a cigar.
Obviously, something was (is?) bothering me, although I don't really know what it is. I'm coming to suspect that I either have yet to fully heal from my experiences in Alaska or, to carry the metaphor further than it should go, I've finally healed and the scabs are coming off. What ever the case, I've been more sensative than usual lately, and very tense to boot.
You know, I can say with all honesty that things have certainly improved for me over the past 6 months or so. I'm no longer in as bad of a position as I was at this point last year, and I have ever reasom to believe that, if I keep my nerve, things will continue to improve.
However, I think its time to come to grips with the fact that these 20-something years suck! The last time I've felt this generally confused about what it is I'm doing, what the expectations are for me, and what I want out of life, was when puberty hit me in Middle School. I seem to be surviving it all a lot better than I did when I was 12, but I'm honestly not sure which was less pleasent!
Now, before I go on to writing my next installation of "The Tree-Splitters" (which I will 'spoiler' for the sake of those who don't want to read a 15 + page journal!) I want to recount a dream that I had last night. Part of it makes a suprisingly large amount of sense, but other parts are much less so.
The Dream: Of Alaska, War and Make Believe Cars
The dream starts out with me back in Alaska. Its night time outside, and I'm back in my old school. There seems to be a party going on at the school; there is cake laid out in the staff lounge and all of the teachers are milling around, talking to one another very excitedly.
I'm making my way around and am talking to the other teachers. I see my old Principle (a woman who was a mentor to me in real life) and we exchange some words in the hallway. She seems very happy to see me, and asks me to do some work at the school. I tell her that I'd love to, but I don't work there anymore.
Two thoughts strike me at this point: 1) I'm not sure if people realize that I don't work at the school anymore. 2) I'm really not sure how I got up there in the first place. The later seems to confuse me the most; it seems as if this is a day trip for me, but it certainly takes longer than that to get up there. Also, if I'm visiting, where am I staying? Someone else lives in my old house, and its not like there is a hotel in the village. I seem to remember that this has all been taken care of, but I don't know how.
I go back to the party and begin to tour the school. I go to my old classroom which is lit up very nicely and it seems as if most of my stuff is still there. I think I even run into some of my old students who are there. So far, everything is going very well, and the only emotion I'm feeling is a happiness at seeing my old co-workers and visiting the village.
At one point I meet some of the new teachers and keep asking them if they "Know what happened to me here?" Part of it is my concern that the same thing doesn't happen to them, but I think a larger part is that I just want others to know what happened. This seems very important to me.
The dream buzzes along, and I'm not sure of much of what happens in the middle. Ther might have been a dance or a presentation for the students that I'm helping out with. Things get clearer (and much Stranger!) as it goes on.
Eventually all of the teachers and staff are together and we decide to make War(!!!!!) on another village. This seems like great fun, but some people are worried that we won't be able to do it well. I tell them not to worry, I have something which can help: I pull out what I think of as a "relic". What ever it is, I tell them it has special powers and can become one of three things. I forget what the other two are, but eventually we decide to turn it into some kind of large truck so we can get over to the battle quicker.
They all take off in the vechicle and I go off in my own, alone. I'm driving the car over icy roads (and how roads suddenly appeared in the Alaskan Bush, I do not know!) when I come to a Stop Sign. I try to put on the brakes, but I skid right on through. I skid through the next one as well. In fact the car seems to be picking up speed by itself, and the brakes aren't working because of the icy roads. Although I don't panic, I'm getting upset.
At that point I look at the shadow of my car, being given off by the moon. I look at the shadow and, instead of seeing a car's outline, I just see the outline of myself, running very fast! I suddenly realize that there IS no car, its just an illusion. Since there is no car, and I'm only running, I'm actually in control after all; I decide to jump into the air and land in a snow bank on the side of the road.
Thats when I wake up.
Now _THAT_ is a weird dream.
And now for the next episode of "The Tree Splitters"
The Tree Splitters: Episode 8
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
{{Eventually all of the teachers and staff are together and we decide to make War(!!!!!) on another village}}
This immediatly reminded me of the dream you had of the woman who gave you a book on a bus. It was a dream that stood out in my mind. I do not think the principal is the bus girl but I saw a connection. Maybe this is a key showing you the woman you want will also be a mentor??? you should not disreagrd what she says??
She will have this quality?
Now that other dream....I do not think it had anything to do with a war, but it felt as if it were around a war setting.
I do not know why. Please disregard anything if this is silly.
and....I am doing really well thank you!
Second...quiting smoking is going to be extremely tough...and you know that. So what, you fell of the wagon...it's not like you can't get back on I know you can do it in the long run!
For the dream?...wow.... I know mine tend to be weird Seriously though....it is pretty amazing how our brains take day to day info and find ways to percolate and de-stress through warping it somehow... But really! Roads in the bush? With Stop Signs??