I remember the first time I met my cousin Steve; one of the first things he asked me was if I know about the "family temper". I laughed and asked how I couldn't know about it. Now Steve is a bit tougher around the edges than me; the type who loves coming off as a tough guy; the sort of guy who, I doubt, has ever turned a fight down in his life. I've never been quiet that bad; rather than exaulting in it, I've always taken the approach of holding onto my calmness at all costs. I got teased pretty badly in school for getting angry easily and, lets face it, no one wants to be known as a hot head.
I've actually been very successful over the years; I come off as fairly easy going and a jolly sort of fellow. I take pride in being able to keep my cool when others seem to be spouting off at the smallest thing. I mention all of this, because that same mask of calmness has been slipping lately, and its beginning to irritate me to know end.
Case in Point: Wednesday I brought a diet pepsi up from my home and put it in the break room's fridge, my name written on it in bright red marker. Now, I suppose I shouldn't have been suprised when it went missing; but it had been a rough day, and I blew the entire thing far out of proportion. Rather than assuming it had been an accident, which it turned out to be, I was utterly convinced that someone had seen my name on it and taken it out of spite! I was fuming up a storm when one of our visitors walked into the room, holding the soda in question; she immediately apologized and gave me another one. I spent the next hour apologizing for having been such an utter jackass.
That sort of thing is, if not totally out of my character, certainly not the way I usually act! I suspect that, having been accosted earlier in the week by two staff members/parents, both of them accusing me of being out to get their families, has not exactly helped my state of mind. Nor the stress of the ending year; but it irritates me none the less. After all, I have three weeks left here and had honestly thought that I could start dropping into 'shut off' mode and just relax; quiet content to be left alone and alloiwng me to put my affairs in order before I dissapear off into the sunset on the last airplane out on the 25th (IIn my imagination I see myself during the Nixon Salute as I do so; it seems oddly appropriate). Instead, I swear to god, people are hounding me all the more, and its starting to get to me.
Of course, I'm not the only one. Everyone on staff seems to be suffering from terminal cases of short fuse, these days. The case of petty arguments are sky rocketing; normally I'd be quiet content to sit back, smile at this all, and wonder why everyone can't just grow up. Unfortunately I've more than lost the moral high ground here and am in no place to complain.
grrrrr