This town lacks culture It lacks alot.
Creativity.
People.
It sucks maybe it's me.
I've learned to make the best of it and given I enjoy it here time to time.
I used to be scared of dying.
I used to be scared of dying alone..
I'm not suicidal I'm not that selfish of a person.
Just jaded and apathetic for as young as I am.
I've been thru alot when i was younger either sleeping on someone else's sofa or on
the verge of being homeless 14 thru 17.
My Parents would be verbally abusive etc .
Watched a kid overdose dragged him behind the building with a couple other kids and waited for the ambulance.
Had a baby sitter beat me and locked me in a bedroom.(never told anyone that)
At 18 i was date raped after a show.(never told anyone that)
Spent some nights sleeping in my own car..who hasn't ...
Then I started being bulimic and anorexic at 16 to cope when things were spiraling out of control .
It was my form of control . when depression got worse or when looking in the mirror felt like the atomic bomb went off. I'd drink myself sick just throw up or sleep.
I've spent half of my young life not loving myself.
Still managed to pass school with amazing grades
that's one thing I wouldn't let anyone away from me was my education.
I know other's have it worse, I remind myself that each day.
I owe a lot to the people who truly know me.
My friends here and there.
Even though there gone we are separated by thousands or couple miles.
I'm grateful for the things I have.
Just got tired of
not being able to sleep at night.
So I'd drink to point of black out to have those last few comforting moments before i finally slept.
I talk I felt like no one listens
or they just feel bad and fake care.
going home alone.
Fucking without feeling ....
I got tired of it.
I just woke up one day and figure fuck it i've got do this for me.
That's why I'm changing for better.
Going to stand up for myself and grab life by the balls.
It's going to be a mountin to climb over but i'm hell bent on it.
(
see my blog written on the 8th of this month more awesome positive.)
It's not like anyone reads these anyway.
Creativity.
People.
It sucks maybe it's me.
I've learned to make the best of it and given I enjoy it here time to time.
I used to be scared of dying.
I used to be scared of dying alone..
I'm not suicidal I'm not that selfish of a person.
Just jaded and apathetic for as young as I am.
I've been thru alot when i was younger either sleeping on someone else's sofa or on
the verge of being homeless 14 thru 17.
My Parents would be verbally abusive etc .
Watched a kid overdose dragged him behind the building with a couple other kids and waited for the ambulance.
Had a baby sitter beat me and locked me in a bedroom.(never told anyone that)
At 18 i was date raped after a show.(never told anyone that)
Spent some nights sleeping in my own car..who hasn't ...
Then I started being bulimic and anorexic at 16 to cope when things were spiraling out of control .
It was my form of control . when depression got worse or when looking in the mirror felt like the atomic bomb went off. I'd drink myself sick just throw up or sleep.
I've spent half of my young life not loving myself.
Still managed to pass school with amazing grades
that's one thing I wouldn't let anyone away from me was my education.
I know other's have it worse, I remind myself that each day.
I owe a lot to the people who truly know me.
My friends here and there.
Even though there gone we are separated by thousands or couple miles.
I'm grateful for the things I have.
Just got tired of
not being able to sleep at night.
So I'd drink to point of black out to have those last few comforting moments before i finally slept.
I talk I felt like no one listens
or they just feel bad and fake care.
going home alone.
Fucking without feeling ....
I got tired of it.
I just woke up one day and figure fuck it i've got do this for me.
That's why I'm changing for better.
Going to stand up for myself and grab life by the balls.
It's going to be a mountin to climb over but i'm hell bent on it.
(
see my blog written on the 8th of this month more awesome positive.)
It's not like anyone reads these anyway.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
Supersudz thank you ^_^