Apparently the Rapture has been postponed to a later date. Damn. I was really looking forward to attending all the sinners' parties after the goody-two-shoes' left.
In other news...
(Depressing stuff to follow, so I'm spoilering it in case you want to skip this part.)
[EDIT]Having just finished typing everything that's been spoilered, I realize it is long, and that I am really just sorting through my feelings and using this blog as a way to deal with them. I don't expect that anyone will necessarily read or feel the need to respond to any of this. But you can't say you weren't forewarned!
[EDIT]
SPOILERS! (Click to view)I've not been on SG really at all this last week, because I've been spending all my time with family. Sadly, my sister-in-law (in this case, my wife's sister) took her life via drug overdose. This has hit the family incredibly hard and we've been having a tough time dealing with it.
My sister-in-law was 36 years old. She left behind two children (20 years old and 14 years old). She has had a long history of mental illness (bi-polar disorder) and drug addiction. Beneath it all, though, was one of the most special ladies I have ever known. She had a smile that would light the world and a sense of humor that left everyone with aching cheeks from laughing so hard. She may not have enjoyed her life very often, but she had so much life in her.
I had a special bond with her. Whenever she was on the outs with her family, she would seek solace from me as she knew I did not judge her. (This, I'm sure, is a by-product of my profession as a social worker). I understand the Beasts that are mental illness & drug addiction. While this did not excuse some of the poor choices she made, it helped me to understand her pain and anguish when she'd hurt those she loved.
For the last couple of years she'd been doing very well. She'd reconciled with her husband, repaired her relationship with her children, had remained clean and sober, was working her substance abuse programming and was also attending counseling/therapy regularly.
Everything fell apart a month or so ago. She'd relapsed again and was kicked out of her the house by her husband. She wound up staying with a friend, who was also in treatment. I checked in with her regularly to make sure she was getting the support she needed and was continuing with her programming. She was on a waiting list for a residential treatment center. She seemed depressed, but also appeared to be managing it well.
I think last Friday was her breaking point. Our family had gathered at my in-laws' house for dinner that evening. Neither of her sons showed up and both had pretty weak excuses for not doing so. She was deeply disappointed, but seemed to be managing. I tried calling her on Saturday, but she didn't answer her phone. On Sunday evening her mom spoke to her on the phone and there were no overtly troubling signs.
I tried calling her on Monday, but there was no answer. By Tuesday, her phone went straight to voicemail; not entirely unusual for her, as her phone often got shut off for failure to pay her bill. I was still worried enough to start calling hospitals and looking up jail inmate info. online (thinking perhaps she might have been arrested on a drug charge), but there was nothing relating to my sister-in-law.
Tuesday also happened to be my daughter's birthday, so we all gathered again that evening to celebrate. My sister-in-law was expected to attend. As the evening wore on and she hadn't shown up, it cast a pall over the celebratory tone. The grownups all tried to mask this as much as possible, so as not to ruin my daughter's special day. Compounding our frustration and worry was the fact that we didn't know the gal my sister-in-law had just moved in with and no one knew where exactly she lived, so our only way of reaching her was by way of her phone.
The following morning (Wednesday), her husband called the county coroner's office and got confirmation that they had received her body Monday morning... two days prior! Apparently the police policy here is to deliver news of a death ONLY to immediate next of kin (in this case, her husband) and ONLY in person. They had been by his house twice when he wasn't home. They'd left no note to contact them, or anything. So my sister-in-law had been dead for two full days before we knew. This has been a source of further sadness and frustration.
And now the aftermath. We are all, of course, grieving and going through the typical stages; shock/denial, pain/guilt, anger, depression, etc. I've been putting together photo albums of her for her kids and I am overwhelmingly sad. (Don't worry, I'm not prone to depression or suicidal ideation, or anything like that). I've experienced the death of friends and family before, but this seems to be hitting somewhat harder than usual. I suppose it's because of the shocking and unexpected nature of it. Of course, in a way, it doesn't seem completely unexpected, either. She'd flirted with suicide in the past, more than once.
My family and I are also feeling heavy feelings of guilt, which I know is natural; particularly in cases of suicide. We are all questioning whether or not there was something more we could have done to prevent it. I am comforted by the fact that, the day before she took her life, my mother-in-law had offered to have her come stay at her house while my sister-in-law waited on the residential treatment program. So my mother-in-law at least knows she tried to reach out just before her daughter took her life.
I am also comforted by the fact that I, too, had had a really positive conversation with her just days before she died and know she knew that I would always be there to help her through. Still, it wasn't enough. And I hurt.
R.I.P. Torrie. I love you.
I'm so sorry.
