I put a lot of effort and a lot of time into people and things that I see a potential investment within. I don't expect much out of anyone I help, or help out...it's what separates me from a lot of people. If you need something done, or need to get something, especially something that has to do with the safety of you and your loved ones, I don't expect any repayment. The smile and the look of gratitude on your face is good enough and says it all.
I know that many are wary of people like me. They look at what the possible consequences would be as a result of the deeds that I do. I've sinned a lot, I've wronged a lot of people. I've done many things to get ahead that I should not have. This is my way of repaying my debt, the debt I owe for pursuing those ends and doing those wrongs. I know not everyone feels the way I do, or sees the world the way I do, and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I try for the most part, every single day, to follow up with the commitments and promises that I make. I know they don't always happen, but I try, and I try hard to make sure that I don't fail at what I say I'll do.
The one thing that disappoints me, the one thing that really gets under my skin the most, is when you say that you want to do something, you commit to it, then you flake out. It's understandable if an emergency happens, or something important comes up, but when it happens again and again....and it starts to become a pattern, that's where you begin to feel that in other's eyes, the others who make those commitments, that you weren't ever important enough to try for.
This happened twice last night with two different people in a matter of hours. I went out on a limb and told one person....I'm willing to tell the people I'm with that something came up and will drive the hour or so that it will take to get to you if you say so. It's last minute, but I'm willing to clear out the rest of the so called plans (which included a lot of nothing) to get there. I was told that they were too lazy to meet up and that they were already comfortable and ready to sleep. A few hours later, boom, a Facebook checkin at some random place. Like WTF? every time that we try to do something together, something always comes up. You flake on me more than anyone else I know. You know I care for you and your happiness a lot, and you always try to get something set up where we can be together and do something together....what gives? I was told to get over it. No problem. Just don't be surprised the next time I turn you down.
Later on....Oh yeah, come on over, we'll hang out, have dinner and watch movies together, bring your PJs cuz we can watch movies all night. Why is it that after making the trip out there, doing all the stuff together, paying for dinner, and then coming back do you only want to watch reality tv shows? I though we were going to watch movies? Oh I'm tired....what gives? After you go to sleep in your room and I'm on the couch....you know what...I might as well go home. I didn't drive all the way up here just to sleep on the couch....It's ok...you're too tired...well I am too.
I went for a drive to clear my mind. It didn't help....I drove to three different locations....feeling as insignificant as I was...I contemplated the right place....to jump. Yes...I'm not quite all there....I don't have much to look forward to. I'm not a psychopath, I'm not a sociopath, I'm not a creep who will stalk you until you give in. I'm a human, who has feelings, who has a mind, who has a shattered soul and a damaged heart.....I'm ready to go....especially at times like those... The only reason that you're reading this now is because it's not the time yet....there's still more to do....but one can only take so much before they break...before nothing else, no matter how significant...matters....
I'm broken..no one can save me from myself...You don't have to care...no one else does.....
I know that many are wary of people like me. They look at what the possible consequences would be as a result of the deeds that I do. I've sinned a lot, I've wronged a lot of people. I've done many things to get ahead that I should not have. This is my way of repaying my debt, the debt I owe for pursuing those ends and doing those wrongs. I know not everyone feels the way I do, or sees the world the way I do, and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. I try for the most part, every single day, to follow up with the commitments and promises that I make. I know they don't always happen, but I try, and I try hard to make sure that I don't fail at what I say I'll do.
The one thing that disappoints me, the one thing that really gets under my skin the most, is when you say that you want to do something, you commit to it, then you flake out. It's understandable if an emergency happens, or something important comes up, but when it happens again and again....and it starts to become a pattern, that's where you begin to feel that in other's eyes, the others who make those commitments, that you weren't ever important enough to try for.
This happened twice last night with two different people in a matter of hours. I went out on a limb and told one person....I'm willing to tell the people I'm with that something came up and will drive the hour or so that it will take to get to you if you say so. It's last minute, but I'm willing to clear out the rest of the so called plans (which included a lot of nothing) to get there. I was told that they were too lazy to meet up and that they were already comfortable and ready to sleep. A few hours later, boom, a Facebook checkin at some random place. Like WTF? every time that we try to do something together, something always comes up. You flake on me more than anyone else I know. You know I care for you and your happiness a lot, and you always try to get something set up where we can be together and do something together....what gives? I was told to get over it. No problem. Just don't be surprised the next time I turn you down.
Later on....Oh yeah, come on over, we'll hang out, have dinner and watch movies together, bring your PJs cuz we can watch movies all night. Why is it that after making the trip out there, doing all the stuff together, paying for dinner, and then coming back do you only want to watch reality tv shows? I though we were going to watch movies? Oh I'm tired....what gives? After you go to sleep in your room and I'm on the couch....you know what...I might as well go home. I didn't drive all the way up here just to sleep on the couch....It's ok...you're too tired...well I am too.
I went for a drive to clear my mind. It didn't help....I drove to three different locations....feeling as insignificant as I was...I contemplated the right place....to jump. Yes...I'm not quite all there....I don't have much to look forward to. I'm not a psychopath, I'm not a sociopath, I'm not a creep who will stalk you until you give in. I'm a human, who has feelings, who has a mind, who has a shattered soul and a damaged heart.....I'm ready to go....especially at times like those... The only reason that you're reading this now is because it's not the time yet....there's still more to do....but one can only take so much before they break...before nothing else, no matter how significant...matters....
I'm broken..no one can save me from myself...You don't have to care...no one else does.....