I'm a fucking idiot.
This isn't really all that earth shattering, but i feel it needs re-iterating. I get panic attacks. I have done for as long as i can remember. They're not that bad on the scale of things, but they're still not pleasant. And the more worked up i get, something just clicks, and all i want to do is vom. So i've been hanging out by my sink for the last 30 mins or so. Lovely, eh?
I fucking hate being positive polly. Things don't ever work out. Not for me at any rate, and this positivity bullshit just means i'm all the more disappointed when things eventually get all cocked up.
I was talking to someone today, a lovely girl i know, or am getting to know i should say maybe. Anyway, someone's dicking her about, and i said that maybe that person has had enough second chances, cuz let's call a spade a spade, why give someone that has treated you like dirt the chance to go and do it all again. And she said, and i'll quote her here, "You're not one for second chances, but in saying that, you don't really give people first chances either". Perhaps she's right. It's got me thinking, and i have to admit, i don't like this thinking malarkey.
I decided a while back that i was going to get rid of all the negative factors in my life. I knew straight off there was one needed getting rid of, but i figured i had to identify what to change, before i could really do much. Sitting down and coming to terms with the things and people, mainly people, that have a negaitve effect on your life, and don't bring any good to the table, it's a really daunting task. And it's not as easy as i thought. And seeing your life laid out like that, and seeing what's pulling you the wrong way, puts so much in perspective. I'll keep ploughing on though. Now that i know, and can see clearly, i'd be a fool to go back.
This isn't meant to be miseryfest 08, but i just needed to get these things off my chest. There's not that many people i feel i can really talk to. So the obvious solution is to pour your heart out to strangers on the internet.... Ara, you'll get distracted by the next naked pretty girl that comes along anyway.
And i've an sgireland meet to tyranically structure. It'll keep me occupied at any rate. Do you know, me, Melissa and Sparrow have never all been in the same room at the smae time. This may be changed soon. I hope. If so, don't worry, there'll be pictures. I'm really looking forward to it.
This isn't really all that earth shattering, but i feel it needs re-iterating. I get panic attacks. I have done for as long as i can remember. They're not that bad on the scale of things, but they're still not pleasant. And the more worked up i get, something just clicks, and all i want to do is vom. So i've been hanging out by my sink for the last 30 mins or so. Lovely, eh?
I fucking hate being positive polly. Things don't ever work out. Not for me at any rate, and this positivity bullshit just means i'm all the more disappointed when things eventually get all cocked up.
I was talking to someone today, a lovely girl i know, or am getting to know i should say maybe. Anyway, someone's dicking her about, and i said that maybe that person has had enough second chances, cuz let's call a spade a spade, why give someone that has treated you like dirt the chance to go and do it all again. And she said, and i'll quote her here, "You're not one for second chances, but in saying that, you don't really give people first chances either". Perhaps she's right. It's got me thinking, and i have to admit, i don't like this thinking malarkey.
I decided a while back that i was going to get rid of all the negative factors in my life. I knew straight off there was one needed getting rid of, but i figured i had to identify what to change, before i could really do much. Sitting down and coming to terms with the things and people, mainly people, that have a negaitve effect on your life, and don't bring any good to the table, it's a really daunting task. And it's not as easy as i thought. And seeing your life laid out like that, and seeing what's pulling you the wrong way, puts so much in perspective. I'll keep ploughing on though. Now that i know, and can see clearly, i'd be a fool to go back.
This isn't meant to be miseryfest 08, but i just needed to get these things off my chest. There's not that many people i feel i can really talk to. So the obvious solution is to pour your heart out to strangers on the internet.... Ara, you'll get distracted by the next naked pretty girl that comes along anyway.
And i've an sgireland meet to tyranically structure. It'll keep me occupied at any rate. Do you know, me, Melissa and Sparrow have never all been in the same room at the smae time. This may be changed soon. I hope. If so, don't worry, there'll be pictures. I'm really looking forward to it.
VIEW 13 of 13 COMMENTS
i can pour in as much honey as i'd like or cube after cube of sugar but that gets a little old and i end up just washing everything down all bitter...
sometimes theres cakes, sometimes the cakes suck ass
one foot in front of the other, and just when you think you've got it all nailed down
someone screams "CLEAN CUPS!!!" or you get kicked under the table right in the patoodey...
i have no idea where i'm going with all this metaphor but sometimes it helps to know that just about everyone gets blue or negative.
i hope you get it sorted and feel better about things
at least for a few moments long enough to gather yourself up for the next round
maybe someday everyone will meet at the same sane moment and enjoy the party