I should probably address some things.
Most specifically, my new set.
I wanted this set, like everyone else, to really say something about me. Unfortunatly, what i had to say at that precise moment in time was a little more downbeat.
To explain: 12 months ago i walked away from my relationship with a very special person. I thought long and hard about it, and i felt i could give no more to that relationship. Every day, looking at this person that loved me regardless knowing that i could never give them enough in return, began to kill me. And then one day, precisely a year ago, i threw it all away. And it destroyed me.
That person was my world, had been for a long time, and when i walked away, i lost more than just him. Friends suddenly wanted nothing more to do with me, as i had broken someone that i was supposed to have loved. I was left with very little. I can't articulate how lost i was. I had lost my best friend, entirley through my own doing, and every day i woke up thinking i'd just done the stupidest thing of my life, and i had no-one and nothing to get me through it.
Fairly soon after, it all got too much. And i just needed something to get my mind off all the thoughts racing though it. And god knows i tried. And along came all these people, all these shallow dissappointments. Each one cutting me more and more. I desperatly needed a friend, and all i found were people who will take you for what you can give. I can count how many decent people i've met in the last year on one hand. I need many hands and fingers to count the scum, and the liars, and the people that let me down.
So i started to spend an amount of time alone. And to be honest, that was a really bad idea, I was alone, with all my thoughts, and i slowly felt myself losing control.
I never told anyone, i couldn't. No-one knew, no-one still knows. No-one knows the things i've done, the things i've been through. Not one person. And that's not about to change. This isn't meant to be a wallowing entry.
Somewhere along the way, i found some things that got me through it, And where i am now, i can appreciate that i made the right choices, Hard, life changing choices, but the right ones. And the last year, made me a stronger person. I'm not there yet, but i'm getting there.
This is the most honest i've ever been on this site, and i don't quite know i'm being this honest now. I guess i just wanted to share where that set came from. And i am forever indebted to Cherry, for capturing exactly what i wanted. Might not be what people want to see, but it's the story i want to tell.
Like i said, i'm coming out the other side, and happier blogs soon, i swear. I just wanted to get this one off my chest first.
Most specifically, my new set.
I wanted this set, like everyone else, to really say something about me. Unfortunatly, what i had to say at that precise moment in time was a little more downbeat.
To explain: 12 months ago i walked away from my relationship with a very special person. I thought long and hard about it, and i felt i could give no more to that relationship. Every day, looking at this person that loved me regardless knowing that i could never give them enough in return, began to kill me. And then one day, precisely a year ago, i threw it all away. And it destroyed me.
That person was my world, had been for a long time, and when i walked away, i lost more than just him. Friends suddenly wanted nothing more to do with me, as i had broken someone that i was supposed to have loved. I was left with very little. I can't articulate how lost i was. I had lost my best friend, entirley through my own doing, and every day i woke up thinking i'd just done the stupidest thing of my life, and i had no-one and nothing to get me through it.
Fairly soon after, it all got too much. And i just needed something to get my mind off all the thoughts racing though it. And god knows i tried. And along came all these people, all these shallow dissappointments. Each one cutting me more and more. I desperatly needed a friend, and all i found were people who will take you for what you can give. I can count how many decent people i've met in the last year on one hand. I need many hands and fingers to count the scum, and the liars, and the people that let me down.
So i started to spend an amount of time alone. And to be honest, that was a really bad idea, I was alone, with all my thoughts, and i slowly felt myself losing control.
I never told anyone, i couldn't. No-one knew, no-one still knows. No-one knows the things i've done, the things i've been through. Not one person. And that's not about to change. This isn't meant to be a wallowing entry.
Somewhere along the way, i found some things that got me through it, And where i am now, i can appreciate that i made the right choices, Hard, life changing choices, but the right ones. And the last year, made me a stronger person. I'm not there yet, but i'm getting there.
This is the most honest i've ever been on this site, and i don't quite know i'm being this honest now. I guess i just wanted to share where that set came from. And i am forever indebted to Cherry, for capturing exactly what i wanted. Might not be what people want to see, but it's the story i want to tell.
Like i said, i'm coming out the other side, and happier blogs soon, i swear. I just wanted to get this one off my chest first.
VIEW 25 of 31 COMMENTS
you only really find out who your true friends are when things go either from bad to worse or horribly wrong.
when a relationship breaks up/fails/whatever euphemism you care to use, people pick sides. sometimes for the right reasons, but more often than not for stupid, petty or nonsensical reasons.
You're the best, my little SG crush on you continues to grow!!