It all started in Jasper, Texas. (fictional story)
THIS IS COMPLETE FICTION:
Prologue
The little mexican boy toyed with the piece of rope the held the poncho and sunbreo clad donkey on the the bed. We fed that thing half a bottle of viagra and he was raring to go. the sash that said "Prom Queen 2004" twirled gently on the ceiling fan of Marisol's bed room. She was out of town, so, we ahhh...borrowed the place. All we needed was our little princess.
So, no shit there I was in chaps a a g-string, trying to coax P.J. out of the bath room. "I can't do this anymore!, P.J. whimpered between sobbs and horrindous retching. His eyeshadow ran down his cheek and over his smeared lipstick. The blond wig was discheved and his tiara was aswek on his head. "Come on P.J.. We need to do the scene again, the lighting was all wrong.", I said as I slipped his strap back onto his pink Prom dress. I gave him another pill and asked him,"Whose my little princess?" "I am?" That's right, and I'm gonna make you a star. A big bright shining star. Now take your medicine and get back out there." I walk him back to the bed, and hop back into the chair. "Hey, is Kim ready for the Chupacabra scene?", I bellow into the next room. "Yeah, she just got into costume, but, the chiuaua is being a big to get into the batman suit.", the prop guy replies. "Well, git er done." I reply. "All right, roll tape, and Action!" How does one end up ina situation like this, you ask. Well, It all started in Jasper, Texas.
Chapter One
"FUCKING MAPQUEST"
I knew i should have taken the 35 to the 10, or 190 to the 45 to the 10. Seriuously, they need to have a "If you are a black male between the ages of 18 thru 25" option on mapquest; because, here I am, at some fucking po dunk gas station in Jasper fucking Texas. Fucking mapquest. I just got out of the Army and I was on a trip to New Orleans to visit my cousin Demorris. When out of now where, "You lost, boy?". Oh, shit. "No, I'm not lost, I just need some gas." "Well, boy, you must be lost. showin' your face 'roun ere."
"Hey, bra, I just want some gas and i'll leave."
"You sassin' me boy?"
"Look dude, could you stop calling me bo..."
As I turn around to the biggest, good ole boy, redneck I have ever seen. Now, I am by no means, a small guy. And with 9 years of Kung-fu and a year in Iraq, I'm not easily intimidated. But, when i saw this behemoth of a man and the pistol-grip shot gun in his hand, needless to say, I was a little scared. But, I stuck to my guns.
"Come on dude, I just need a little bit of gas to get to a clan-free gas station and i'll be out of your hair. Besides, it's not like you own this gas station."
"You see that sign that says,'Earl's Quick Stop'?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, I'm fuckin' Earl"
"What,you and Earl meet in prisooonn....."
I'm floating. The sun peeks through the fat, cotton white clouds. Man I love those Texas skys, so beautiful. Aww. Why does my head hurt and I reek of Skoal? I would find out later, that Johnny, the ninja redneck, snuck up behind me and clubbed me likea baby fucking seal and Earl, soon after, spit on me, repeatedly, hence the throbbing headache and the Skoal aroma. Oh, and that feeling of floating, yeah, that's me in the back of Earl's pick-up, headind for some clearing in the woods. Fucking Mapquest.
"Get up, Nigger! We're here."
"You see, I told you dem coons is lazy. Always sleeping."
"That's because I hit him Earl. Don't you remember."
"I know that Johnny, that was a...foget it. Just grab his legs."
I came to, when they threw me off of Earl's truck. I didn't realize Texas had so many trees til today.
"You awake boy. It's time for the party and you the guest of honor." That was Earl. He was about 6'8" and 300 pounds of country. The skinny rat-faced one with the mullet was Johnny, I gussed, sneaky bastard. Sort of brings the idea of coon huntin' to a whole nother perspective. As they gathered the rope and slung it over a tree, Johnny asked,"What chu' doin wif dat camre and stuff fo. You make movies or sumtin'?" Now that ole grinch was so sly and so slick, he though of a lie and he though it up quick.
"Yeah, I make movies."
"What kind o movies? Dem fancy artsy-fartsy kind?"
"Heh-heh, No, I make the grown up kind. I was on my way to New Orleans to scout out some talent for my next flick, 'Horny Co-eds 4, GIrls of the Bayou'"
"Don't you listen to dat lyin' nigger, Johnny. Bring im over here, so we can string im up." Earl yelled as he tied a noose into it rope.
"No, It's true. My name is Carson Tillman. I direct and star in my own films. And If you bous let me go, I can give you a couple of roles in my next flick, I swear by all that is Holy."
That seemed to have peaked Earl's interest. He stopped tying the noose and came over to where johnny and I were and he asked, "If you was a porn star, then you'd have a huge wangger. Show it to us."
"I'm not exactly in the mood, if you catch my drift."
"Well, you better get in the mood if you don't want to be this here tree's ornament."
Johnny untied me while Earl kept his finger on the trigger. But, at that moment I practiced a little zen and focused on every woman I slept with. I focused on their smells, how they felt, and how they tasted. I focused on their nails in my back, the moans, the screams, the feeling of our bodies, drenched with sweat as they pressed against each other. The next thing I knew, i was standing there, stroking my manhood as these two hillbillies watched with looks of astonishment on their faces. Now when I said i wasn't a small man, by any means, I meant it. I wish I could say this is the weirdest thing i have done, but sadly, it isn't. Alot of people should be in Military Intelligence for a stint, you will do a lot of weird things, this I promise you.
"Alright boy, you can put your jimmy back into your pants, we believe you. But, If we do let you go, what's from stopping you from going to the cops after this."
"Um...I...er...."
"Exactly, string im up."
"No, wait, you can come with me. One of you can ride with me in my truck while the other follows."
NOt exactly how I planned it, but, if it kept me alive till I figure some way to loose these assholes, then, i'm all for it. Johnny took the rope from the tree and put it in the back of Earl's truck. Earl went and grabbed something from the glove compartment. Which, I soon found out, was a Desert Eagle, which he was going to promptly keep pointed at my chest while we drove to New Orleans. Johnny led the way out of the wooded area of death, when Earl called him on his cell phone and told him,"Hey, John boy, let us take the lead, we're going on a little detou
THIS IS COMPLETE FICTION:
Prologue
The little mexican boy toyed with the piece of rope the held the poncho and sunbreo clad donkey on the the bed. We fed that thing half a bottle of viagra and he was raring to go. the sash that said "Prom Queen 2004" twirled gently on the ceiling fan of Marisol's bed room. She was out of town, so, we ahhh...borrowed the place. All we needed was our little princess.
So, no shit there I was in chaps a a g-string, trying to coax P.J. out of the bath room. "I can't do this anymore!, P.J. whimpered between sobbs and horrindous retching. His eyeshadow ran down his cheek and over his smeared lipstick. The blond wig was discheved and his tiara was aswek on his head. "Come on P.J.. We need to do the scene again, the lighting was all wrong.", I said as I slipped his strap back onto his pink Prom dress. I gave him another pill and asked him,"Whose my little princess?" "I am?" That's right, and I'm gonna make you a star. A big bright shining star. Now take your medicine and get back out there." I walk him back to the bed, and hop back into the chair. "Hey, is Kim ready for the Chupacabra scene?", I bellow into the next room. "Yeah, she just got into costume, but, the chiuaua is being a big to get into the batman suit.", the prop guy replies. "Well, git er done." I reply. "All right, roll tape, and Action!" How does one end up ina situation like this, you ask. Well, It all started in Jasper, Texas.
Chapter One
"FUCKING MAPQUEST"
I knew i should have taken the 35 to the 10, or 190 to the 45 to the 10. Seriuously, they need to have a "If you are a black male between the ages of 18 thru 25" option on mapquest; because, here I am, at some fucking po dunk gas station in Jasper fucking Texas. Fucking mapquest. I just got out of the Army and I was on a trip to New Orleans to visit my cousin Demorris. When out of now where, "You lost, boy?". Oh, shit. "No, I'm not lost, I just need some gas." "Well, boy, you must be lost. showin' your face 'roun ere."
"Hey, bra, I just want some gas and i'll leave."
"You sassin' me boy?"
"Look dude, could you stop calling me bo..."
As I turn around to the biggest, good ole boy, redneck I have ever seen. Now, I am by no means, a small guy. And with 9 years of Kung-fu and a year in Iraq, I'm not easily intimidated. But, when i saw this behemoth of a man and the pistol-grip shot gun in his hand, needless to say, I was a little scared. But, I stuck to my guns.
"Come on dude, I just need a little bit of gas to get to a clan-free gas station and i'll be out of your hair. Besides, it's not like you own this gas station."
"You see that sign that says,'Earl's Quick Stop'?"
"Yeah?"
"Well, I'm fuckin' Earl"
"What,you and Earl meet in prisooonn....."
I'm floating. The sun peeks through the fat, cotton white clouds. Man I love those Texas skys, so beautiful. Aww. Why does my head hurt and I reek of Skoal? I would find out later, that Johnny, the ninja redneck, snuck up behind me and clubbed me likea baby fucking seal and Earl, soon after, spit on me, repeatedly, hence the throbbing headache and the Skoal aroma. Oh, and that feeling of floating, yeah, that's me in the back of Earl's pick-up, headind for some clearing in the woods. Fucking Mapquest.
"Get up, Nigger! We're here."
"You see, I told you dem coons is lazy. Always sleeping."
"That's because I hit him Earl. Don't you remember."
"I know that Johnny, that was a...foget it. Just grab his legs."
I came to, when they threw me off of Earl's truck. I didn't realize Texas had so many trees til today.
"You awake boy. It's time for the party and you the guest of honor." That was Earl. He was about 6'8" and 300 pounds of country. The skinny rat-faced one with the mullet was Johnny, I gussed, sneaky bastard. Sort of brings the idea of coon huntin' to a whole nother perspective. As they gathered the rope and slung it over a tree, Johnny asked,"What chu' doin wif dat camre and stuff fo. You make movies or sumtin'?" Now that ole grinch was so sly and so slick, he though of a lie and he though it up quick.
"Yeah, I make movies."
"What kind o movies? Dem fancy artsy-fartsy kind?"
"Heh-heh, No, I make the grown up kind. I was on my way to New Orleans to scout out some talent for my next flick, 'Horny Co-eds 4, GIrls of the Bayou'"
"Don't you listen to dat lyin' nigger, Johnny. Bring im over here, so we can string im up." Earl yelled as he tied a noose into it rope.
"No, It's true. My name is Carson Tillman. I direct and star in my own films. And If you bous let me go, I can give you a couple of roles in my next flick, I swear by all that is Holy."
That seemed to have peaked Earl's interest. He stopped tying the noose and came over to where johnny and I were and he asked, "If you was a porn star, then you'd have a huge wangger. Show it to us."
"I'm not exactly in the mood, if you catch my drift."
"Well, you better get in the mood if you don't want to be this here tree's ornament."
Johnny untied me while Earl kept his finger on the trigger. But, at that moment I practiced a little zen and focused on every woman I slept with. I focused on their smells, how they felt, and how they tasted. I focused on their nails in my back, the moans, the screams, the feeling of our bodies, drenched with sweat as they pressed against each other. The next thing I knew, i was standing there, stroking my manhood as these two hillbillies watched with looks of astonishment on their faces. Now when I said i wasn't a small man, by any means, I meant it. I wish I could say this is the weirdest thing i have done, but sadly, it isn't. Alot of people should be in Military Intelligence for a stint, you will do a lot of weird things, this I promise you.
"Alright boy, you can put your jimmy back into your pants, we believe you. But, If we do let you go, what's from stopping you from going to the cops after this."
"Um...I...er...."
"Exactly, string im up."
"No, wait, you can come with me. One of you can ride with me in my truck while the other follows."
NOt exactly how I planned it, but, if it kept me alive till I figure some way to loose these assholes, then, i'm all for it. Johnny took the rope from the tree and put it in the back of Earl's truck. Earl went and grabbed something from the glove compartment. Which, I soon found out, was a Desert Eagle, which he was going to promptly keep pointed at my chest while we drove to New Orleans. Johnny led the way out of the wooded area of death, when Earl called him on his cell phone and told him,"Hey, John boy, let us take the lead, we're going on a little detou
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The entire group was disbanded due to poor turnout. If we would have continued, there would have been 5 members left, and that, in my opinion, would have been pointless.
Sorry man.