daemoncd

i am motherfucking suicide. not like a bomb, but like an old building with the dynamite crew ready to press down on the plunger. i loathe self. self-denial is the answer, and therefore suicide is tangible without physical death. let go. it's really the only option left when you can't hold on any longer, isn't it? fucking human powers, miserably failing. maybe i'll thank God for this one too in a few. perception feeding brain null pointers, brain throws exception, spiritual segmentation fault, cosmic core dump in my being. need reboot. either that, or to change my name to bill junior so that they, too, can find my head over by the snowcone concession. check your mail. have you seen me? i've been fucking myself in the ass with a big foam penis again. wait - that wasn't me! i was the one closed in, scowling, shrinking in the sea below. topless slymenstra, catharsis. ahhh, but weren't those the days? no wonder i needed to drink. with a head like this and no desperate direction, what other options were there? cell f. how ironic. now what? oh yeah, ask to have it removed and talk to someone, who will tell me to resolutely turn my thoughts to someone else i can help after seeing that i am in a standstill and hence harming none. but self. which i loathe, which is the motherfucking problem. so once again: i am motherfucking suicide.

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i still can't explain why the action works, but God totally fucking rocks. action is always the answer, and the key to freedom is ultimately helping others. self-denial, baby. rock and roll!!!

...my next tattoo found me, just as the last (first) one did...