daekrys

My life is just one big horrible dream. no matter how much money i don't spend, i keep getting farther behind. it's this fucking truck i bought, fuckin had to let myself get sucked into it. all excited in the moment and the idea of having such a nice truck. and i'm all the worse off for it. if i want to get rid of it i have to find someone who wants to pay $11,000 for it! no one has that kind of money up front! they say money can't make you happy, but turns out it can sure as hell make you fucking depressed. when i got the truck i jokingly said that i was now gonna be in debt till i was dead, it keeps looking more and more like that is going to be the case. and i fucking hate it all. i can't sit still i can't sleep, i'm a raging chaos of emotion, i want to cry to scream to punch walls in to die. of course its all my own fault, for as far back as i can remember, my life has just been a slow downhill roll through grass made of barbed wire....theres too much goin through my head right now to even put it all into words, but one thing is certian, i feel like a completely retarded idiot, everything is one big regret, i couldn't even finish highschool cuz i didn't want to deal with asshole teachers. urgh. the bowels of depression are within view. and because i've so thuroly fucked my self money wise, this is one of the first things to go. hopefully (i see were that has gotten me) i'll be straitened out sooner or later. for anyone that wishes to keep in contact with me for whatever reason: daekrys@aol.com, later