daekrys

maybe before going in tomorrow, you could call? see if they anticipate needing you??? just a thought. why waste your gas, let alone your time and awakeness at that hour. and i meant the lick, still do and wasn't drunk - at that point. ;o) and christ - if you were willing to relocate... well, i'd not use the term "personal slave" but maybe gardener and general handy man? not that i could afford you. *sigh* i know you're going to hate working in a bank. you might like working in a trophy shop though... or framing shop? something where you kind of make something? sometimes it's good to go to these sorts of places and just ask. a lot of craft shops like a.c. moore (if you have that there) have framing shops in them and they seem always to be looking for help. fuck the temp agency. you're willing to learn and to work hard (especially if you like the work) it shouldn't be this difficult! grrr. i growl on your behalf.

it's almost kinda ironic that you mention black, family members, and north carolina. Maggie's dad is black, lived in north carolina for a while, and might be my father in law if he doesn't die before I marry her. He hates every one, everybody hates him, and the whole universe is waiting for him to die. He's nothing more than an alcoholic corpse that complains about everything...yup, yup....

eh, i'll just say hi.

i said hi. it was confusing. perhaps i should have left the ~licks~ off? idunno... hope it's a fun night for you.

what confuses you? what are you certain of?

i do hope you enjoy it. seems like maybe Ganesha is looking out for you - or maybe you've got your own angel/demon thing? ;o) you can change your "occupation" listing now - unless you consider all of it to be slavery. hum. gold cages, silver cages, steel cages, cement cages....

i was merely reflecting on all of the different cages there are... some are more obvious than others.

i wasn't speaking of any specific loss of desire - just desire in general. it was a thought. desire for things - attachment - is what keeps us tied to this mortal coil. when i have a random thought, i often hear "only from the mind of minolta" in that deep voice they used on the commercial. so now i just label them as such.

You're not selling out, you're buying in.
Yeah, that's not comforting at all, is it? Sorry, I've no way to make that kinda suck feel better. But you're being responsible, which is important and stuff.

You win your bet, by the way. Can I pay you in pennies? Also, sorry about your recent girlfriend thing...that's really shitty. On the other hand, it shows you that you were wasting your time on her. Best to be rid of her, move on with your life.

...damn...use them like an old suit, then cast off into the sea of your own making...
until then damn.... and plot your world domination scheme/scream therapy
You know who you are and thats what counts.

ok, two rather obvious questions:

how is it a hell of your own making? (i don't want the obvious answer though ;o)

why is death denied you?

thank you for the talk. i enjoyed it very much. i will bear in mind your drunkenness if you'll promise to remember that i'm feverish and medicated. (smile)

ok, so you've passed up opportunities. you can change that. as i recently shared with another friend, i'd rather regret having done something than not. does that make sense to you? is it a life philosophy you could see yourself embracing? you know what my biggest regret is? i could have learned to frame pictures - gallery style, mats, frames, glass and all - and i passed because i was a little afraid of it. damn. at least it's more of a material regret than an interpersonal one. i try very hard to keep those to a minimum. you'll have more opportunities. you can even make them. that's up to you. if you can make a hell, you can also make a heaven. you've been there. i know it.

me, i'm not allowed to die. i've been very close to being dead several times but something always keeps me from going. i was wondering if anything like that ever happened to you. i have felt your joy in your writing and your pain. it seems more like you have some hope, but you're afraid of it because it seems always to be dashed. you get down and you lack the will to live, but also the will to die. you just go on. i know that "place" well. very well.

Truly a parasite am I,
Blemish upon the world,
Burn me off your face,
Cast away my ashes,
Plagues I create,
Anguish I spread,
Sadness I am.

would you tell me about that part?

sorry about Heather - cliche as this may be, it sounds to me like you're better off without her and her bullshit. hope you don't mind my honesty there. i know you care for her a great deal and i don't mean to diminish that. it just sounds like a very bad setup.

since i'm so sickly sick, i'm gonna go and leave you with wishes for a Happy New Year. may you look forward to new love and an all around fulfilling year.

wow, i'm sicker today and that reply looks pathetic. i'm sorry. you deserve better! but i'm sicker... so how? maybe you should email me that chicken soup. yeah. that would help!

oh, and here is a germ-free cyber kiss. ~kiss~ (that's your new year's kiss that i forgot to give last time)

i read your shit. i might not always say so.... but that would be because i don't always know what to say. but i do read. thought you might like to know that. ;o)

...waht they said

wish i could take your worries away. i will wish you a Joyous Yule! don't know if you do that - but the solstice is always a nice reminder that the sun will be back eventually - actually that makes me a little sad.... hum.

oh, the poem is about sex - but as a metaphor for spiritual experience. basically, it's about fucking god.